Thanks to Caitlin for providing this guest post full of tips to balance work and caregiving for elderly parents.
Being a career woman is hard enough as it is. You’ve probably spent the first couple of years at work battling unique challenges to prove your worth. You’ve likely had fewer leadership opportunities than your male coworkers too. You’ve even made personal sacrifices for progress.
And just when you think you’re on a roll, something hits you. Your parents are no longer young and able. For the first time in life, they need your help, instead of things being the other way around. What will you do?
Of course, you won’t turn your back on them. But how will that affect your career path? No one is saying it’s going to be easy, but balancing a demanding career with the needs of older parents is possible. Here are a few tips that will help you juggle life.
Want to balance work and caregiving? Get your priorities straight
Between family, aging parents, and work, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. Instead of trying to tackle each issue as it rushes toward you, instead step back and take a moment to assess what must be done daily, weekly, and monthly
Also write down all the errands and activities to do, regardless of whether they concern your parents, family, or work. A few examples are:
- Doctor’s appointments for your folks
- Work meetings
- Your kids’ after-school activities
If some of these events overlap, then you’ll need to prioritize them. Determine what you absolutely have to do on your own and what can be done with someone else’s help.
This method will make logistics significantly easier. By creating a schedule to follow, you’ll already have half of the work done.
Find other ways to support an aging parent here.
Let your employer know
Whether you want it to or not, caring for aging parents will affect your productivity at work. Hiding this responsibility from your employer will lead to nothing good.
Remember, your boss is just as human as you. They probably had or will have similar problems in the future.
See if you can adjust your work hours or work at home on certain days. Of course, don’t forget to mention your contribution and dedication to the company.
It would also be useful to speak to HR to see if there are your insurance plan or company benefits can cover any assistance options. You may have an Employee Assistance Program or personal days for family emergencies, for example.
In different countries, there are different versions of the Family Medical Leave Act, which can help you address these matters without the fear of losing your job.
Good communication is key
Depending on your mother and father’s ages and medical conditions, you can and must have the talk with them about the best way to care for them. They are still the people who raised you and probably have their own wishes and thoughts on how they should be taken care of.
This talk might be challenging if a parent has dementia. That’s where these communication methods come in handy.
See which degree of independence your folks need and what they can handle. Maybe they just need your help for one or two days a week and can still live independently. Or perhaps they need you solely to take them to the doctor when they have an appointment as they don’t drive anymore.
Also, determine if your parents have any benefits. For example, if they belong to The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), then they can get better and cheaper healthcare, as well as discounts for medical alert systems, which are very useful if you can’t spend 24 hours a day with them.
Having this kind of a safety alarm will give your parents a sense of control and independence. At the same time, you will feel much more at peace while at work.
Ask for help to balance work and caregiving
Trying to do everything on your own is perhaps the biggest mistake in situations like this one. It’s a recipe for personal burnout and also might not provide your mom and dad with the best care possible as you have career obligations that take time away from them.
Therefore, if you have siblings, look for how you can share the chores. If you’re an only child, on the other hand, finding help can be hard, but it’s not impossible.
You can ask the neighbors to check on your parents every now and then, for instance. Close relatives can also take turns visiting your parents or taking them to the doctor.
If you’re not close enough with your relatives to feel comfortable asking them for a favor, offer something in return. Two examples are:
- A home-cooked meal
- Housesitting when they need it
Unfortunately, you won’t always be able to find someone who is willing enough to help or has enough time to do it. In these cases, you should consider hired care.
While this solution will take a toll on your budget, it can be useful in multiple ways. Most importantly, professional caregivers usually have experience with various health conditions. They know how to handle and communicate with seniors too, including those battling dementia.
Finally, when trying to balance work and caregiving of family, you must not forget to find time for yourself. Life stages like this one can be stressful, and they can affect your health.
To keep you as strong as possible, make sure you get enough sleep and physical activity. Also, although it will be difficult to maintain a social life, don’t give up on it entirely. You can’t help anyone if you are feeling burned out and ill.
About today’s writer
Caitlin is a bookworm and recreational dancer. She is also a medical student in love with science in all its forms. When she is not trying to find the meaning of life and Universe, Caitlin is researching and writing about various health-related and well-being related topics.
She is happily addicted to art in all its forms, grilled tofu, and hiking. To see what Caitlin is up to next, find her on Twitter.
Thanks for sharing. Very interesting!
I was reading an recent article about providing care for the elderly.
It mention…The responsibilities of caring for aging parents can be complicated and emotionally difficult. When caring for the elderly, there is no set of solutions that will work for everyone….but if you plan carefully, cooperate with family, communicate well and most of all pray to Jehovah God the end result……..you will fulfill your responsibility to honor your loved ones.
1 corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient and kind. Love never fails.
And have faith, as you explain in your wise comment xx
In the past couple of years I have seen the struggle more and more. Some children give support more than others but I know it is not easy to manage a career and care for aging parents.
Balance doesn’t come easy!
This was an informative post from Caitlin, Christy. As my parents are no longer in this world, but having a husband 2 decades older than myself, I can certainly say things change a lot. <3
She wrote a terrific post here. Sending love to you and hubby, Debby.
Thank you sweet girl. <3
xo
When my elderly mother showed signs of dementia, I stopped working to take care of her until it was necessary to place her in a nursing home. So, for 18 months I was her full-time caregiver. I have no regrets doing that. I don’t know how people are able to care for their parents and work full-time. My hat goes out to anyone who has hat to handle both simultaneously.
Being a full-time carer is an around-the-clock job – doing that for 18 months must have been a life-changer. It’s good that you had that time with her, I’m sure there were some special moments together.
Single and both were having issues ZX one of mobility and weight, the other a stroke at the same . Didn’t have much help from family. Working and hoping things were at least handleable after work. Coincidentally in and out of hospital and both passed 15 days apart
. Moral to others,. Check on the caregivers. They might need groceries, an evening to relax, and friend to spend with the patients to house clean. No one offered. Now I’m mentally on shock and trying to put my life together. That’s as much work or more as when caregiving
Excellent comment. I’m sorry for your loss but hope your comement helps carers and others in the support network.
Thanks
xo
Thank you for this post. My parents already passed, but it was a big struggle for me at the start of my career. I hope this helps someone in this isutation.
Have a beautiful day.
Blessings to you, your parents no doubt encouraged your wonderful soul.
Smiling. Very kind of you.
It is a difficult situation. I went through it with my Mum in her later years. I was still working full time (at first), and while I wasn’t her carer I was visiting 3 or 4 times a week to take her to appointments or just spend time with her. She lived over an hour away and some of her appointments were another 45 minutes each way. They were long days. Fortunately, there were others who helped out too. The advice provided here is good advice.
Moms are so special, and I have no doubt you helped immensely. Balance isn’t easy to find in so many parts of life…
That’s right. Breathe …
Yes, exactly xx
Excellent article. My one request is to the aging parents also, take care of your own self, moderate eating and exercise will not only keep you good but help your children also.
Great points, Indira. The caregivers need to be strong themselves first.
So true.
Thanks for being here
As my mom’s dementia progressed, everything got harder. She was living in a nice assisted living center, but it was still hard managing all of her doctor appointments while I was working full time. Then there were the many trips to ER where I’d stay 5-6 hours waiting for them to tell me if they were going to release her or not. The place that she lived tried to help with some scheduled daytime appointments, but there was nobody if they decided to release her at midnight.
This is so tough, Pete. It takes a village, as that saying goes, and your mom was so blessed to have you at the core of that village.