Honesty Starts at Home

The majority of us surround ourselves with honest people. No one likes to be lied to. If a friend or family member does start lying, or stretching the truth, it can cause major disruptions. And, rightly so. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. But, when putting import on truthful relationships, most of us could do with looking inwards. You may not realize it, but most of us lie to ourselves at some stage. We do so to protect ourselves, or to stop ourselves having to make major changes. But, even lies with the best intentions can be harmful. If we refuse to put up with such treatment from others, why should we stand the same from ourselves?

Lies, Truth. Is it black and white?

Are you being true to yourself? Or, are you caught in a lie? Pixabay Canada image.

To understand the nature of the problem, you need to understand under what circumstances we lie to ourselves. These vary from person to person, but, there are some common factors. For the most part, self denial comes about through an attempt at self preservation.

With that in mind, it’s easier to separate lies from truth. It may be that you’re lying to yourself about your relationship. Many people suffering domestic violence refuse to admit it’s happening. Instead, they convince themselves, and the people around them, that their relationship is a happy one. A lie like this can be damaging for a variety of reasons. For one, it means you stay stuck in a relationship that isn’t good for you. For another, it stops anyone else realizing that you need help.

Lying to yourself about your relationship

Are you telling yourself half truths or lies, like this unhappy couple? Wikimedia Commons photo.

And, relationships aren’t the only incident of us telling ourselves half truths. Many of us are also in denial about our weaknesses. It’s understandable; no one likes to admit to being weak. By denying the problem, our subconscious believes it can overcome the issue. We are only as strong as we think we are, right? Wrong.

In fact, lying to yourself in this way gives your weakness more power. This is particularly the case when it comes to issues like addiction. Denying an addiction allows it to exercise complete control over you. The moment you admit that you have all the symptoms of someone requiring alcohol rehab, you can take steps towards recovery. Until that point, you’re at the mercy of your addiction.

When you stop lying to yourself, your addictions become clear

Looking at the issue: what are your addictions? Image via Flickr.

So, how do you stop lying to yourself? It’s much easier than you might think. Though these behaviors are ingrained in us all, we’re more aware of them than we admit. All you need do to unveil the smoke screen is look carefully at your life. The chances are, you already know what you’re unhappy with. But, not looking at the issue means your denial can continue without challenge.

The moment you stop and look at your situation, the problem areas should make themselves clear. Then, you can set about improving things. There’s no quick fix here, and the chances are that you’ll lie to yourself again later down the line. But, if you’ve uncovered your lies once, you’re in a better position to do the same again.

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42 thoughts on “Honesty Starts at Home

  1. Hi Christy…
    So very true about the lies and the effect they can have on relationships and those who love and care about you.
    Denial of an addiction (Chocolate Excluded) is a form of lying to yourself. I did not need anyone telling me I had addiction issues, it was written on everyones face. What I disliked about other people was the exact same I saw in myself.
    The best medicine is truth… you are a very wise young lady Christy with such potential…

    Hugs from Alberta

  2. You are right Christy.. I had one disastrous marriage that only lasted seven years in total – four in actuality.. that was about three years longer than it should have been. We bend the truth for all sorts of reasons to protect ourselves and others. Also to justify our actions. I have been married for 37 years this time and it is better for the lessons I learnt the first time around. Anyway I am a lousy liar! Great post thank you.xx

    • Sally, your positive nature shows brightly here as you say you look at the first marriage as teaching you about yourself to form a healthier union the second time around. Optimist you! Thanks for the comment and xx to you too

  3. As one Spanish singer (quite old, but Very well known) says in one of his songs: “Truth is never sad…. But it has no remedy” …. Accepting certain truths might be hard, (even single facts, not major points)…. it is clearly easier to deny them… However, once we face them, we can deal with the issues in question and improve. At the end, we human beings can be so vulnerable, right?…
    Why would we lie… not just to others… But: to Ourselves?… I guess we are used to certain dichotomies, but I have the feeling that genuine people are the real winners at the end.
    Thank you Christy. Great share here. ♥️😘

    • Yes! Oh I didn’t realize you had commented on this post too when I sent the smoking comment a few minutes ago on the other post. Thanks Michelle, your loving spirit shines through here ♥

  4. Hi Christy, this is excellent! Most people have accepted lies as part of themselves, thinking they can’t live without it, but you are very right, it is very easy to live WITHOUT IT!
    I also wrote something about Lies on my blog.

  5. With problems like addictions and abusive relationships, people will actually move heaven and earth to avoid admitting to them, even to themselves. In the case of abusive relationships, the victim tells themselves they deserve that kind of treatment, for example. Having spoken to a number of people in that situation, it is remarkable how hard they will resist the truth.

  6. Peopke refused to accept certain realities, that is why they seek for miracles they do not need, of which they often are!

  7. A lie is a point on a spectrum – with extremes that can be disastrous or cause perhaps a blip.

    In that sense, we’ve all lied and will continue to lie – and by this, I don’t mean every moment or even every day. But we’re prone to it – even if it’s only once in a blue black moon.

    The problem is to be ignorant of it, or worse, to deny it.

    The solution? Perhaps, to keep fighting to tell the truth.

    And perhaps one way to win, is not to put ourselves in a position where we might be forced to lie.

    Peace,
    Eric

    • How interesting that you say it is part of human nature to lie, Eric. Perhaps it is part of self-preservation to do so? Thanks for sharing your thoughts and also glad the film quiz was fun for you too 🙂

  8. Nice summation of home truths about lying and the value of truth in our quotidian lives. Clearly, we need to be true to ourselves and to others, backed by honesty of purpose and practice. But we falter in practice, living as we do in post truth societies. Truth in its purest form is conspicuous by its idealistic nature and non-existence at all levels. One only has to look at quantum of lies surrounding daily lives vide the media, business campaigns, politics, social and commercial transactions, to realise the extent of ocean of lies that everyone has to navigate through. Nevertheless, truth is an ideal to be perseveringly pursued; our lives must be taken forward as truthfully as possible.

  9. Excellent article, Christy. This is very thought-provoking and well done. You’re absolutely correct that we’ll allow the self-lying when we won’t tolerate the same from others. Thanks for the perspective!

  10. Pingback: LIES,LIES,LIES. – vfrancis648

  11. I loved this! Honesty certainly begins at home and within ourselves. It’s like love, if we can’t learn to love ourselves, we can’t be completely free to love others. ❤

  12. Well said .It’s true .We used to neglect ,ignore the problems ,habits by lying .But later lying become our habit which we even don’t realize it.Great post👍

  13. Pingback: Don’t Go It Alone: It’s Okay to Ask For Help | When Women Inspire

  14. Pingback: Don’t Go It Alone. It’s Okay To Ask For Help. – The Militant Negro™

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