I love when a woman shares her experiences openly and with vulnerability with the goal to help others. And that’s exactly what clinical psychologist Michelle Moore is doing in her new book Not Your Mom’s Divorce. I had the pleasure to interview her about the challenges and opportunities that the divorce process brought her, as well as asking about the book title, the writing process, and who inspires her. Our interview follows below.
Disclosure: For women struggling through the divorce process, this sponsored interview with Michelle Moore offers insights that empower, pointing out that rediscovery and resilience can come from divorce. I do not earn affiliate income through links in this post.
Interview with Michelle Moore
Welcome, Michelle Moore! You have accomplished so much as a researcher, presenter, licensed clinical psychologist, and author. Now you are opening up about divorce, from how it affected your family growing up to going through your own divorce recently. You let us into your personal world through Not Your Mom’s Divorce. Let’s talk more about it.
I’m intrigued by the book title Not Your Mom’s Divorce. What exactly is ‘mom’s divorce,’ and why do you women want to avoid it?
That’s a great question, and one I haven’t been asked before. It’s funny because I actually changed the title more than three times until I came upon this one. The first one, “Forever Not Worse” got a very displeased reaction from my agent who called it dated… So that was squashed. The second one, “And She Lived Happily Ever After” got a better reaction, but not by much. And finally this one received the stamp of approval.
The reason for this title in particular stems directly from the fact that times have changed drastically over generations, when it comes to divorce. The world is always evolving, and hopefully improving for women, and we have more options and choices than our mothers, or even grandmothers. We don’t have to stay in a loveless, unfulfilling, or possibly toxic marriage if we don’t want to. We can make a choice for ourselves, and even our children, that can provide us with a healthy alternative, and give ourselves the best life we possibly can. We don’t have to be “stuck” or powerless.
You mentioned getting unstuck. Can you please share a bit about your personal experience with divorce?
Divorce is nothing really new in my family; my mom has been married at least 5 times, sort of lost count, my dad twice, and my stepdad once. Although I never thought I’d be a statistic, in 2017 I found myself needing to make that choice. My desire to write this book is based on my personal life experience and also [their] experiences, and I truly believe that I have learned more from them than they have from me.
Why was it important to you to write this book right now?
This book was critical for me to write because for starters, it was essential in my healing, in addition to the fact that there was such a need for support as well as education out there regarding divorce. In talking to my clients, I knew they struggled finding information in addition to emotional guidance and in listening to them, my decision to write became easy.
The unglamorous yet realistic truth [is] that it was really based on the need for information in a sparsely populated genre. I started writing this book because when I was going through my own divorce, to say that the resources available were scarce is an understatement. Going through my own divorce gave me the insight to recognize something that was so desperately needed. And that is when the passion started, and this book took on a life of its own.
More with Michelle Moore on empowering women during divorce:
Who is Not Your Mom’s Divorce intended for?
This book is intended for any woman who has ever thought, or is thinking, in the middle of, or is at the end of her divorce journey and is needing guidance in rediscovering herself.
What do you hope readers take away from it?
I hope my readers take from this book whatever they need to help them on this journey. I also hope that my readers realize that they are not alone, and that they are not the first person experiencing divorce, and that there is a whole tribe out there that they can lean on.
Along with supporting women, you’re empowering them. What does ’empowerment’ mean to you, in the context of divorce?
When I think of empowerment, I think of not only women supporting one another but also women pushing themselves, especially if they might be afraid, to not only have a voice but also to have everything in life they deserve.
Looking back, what is one of the life lessons you wanted to share in the book?
I don’t think there is really only one life lesson. I think there are many lessons to be learned from learning to “rediscover” oneself, to accepting life on it’s terms without settling for anything less than we deserve.
Did anything surprising happen while writing Not Your Mom’s Divorce?
I think I was constantly surprised while I was writing this book, but the one thing that stands out is that I discovered that while I was writing, I was actually growing and changing as well. I learned to treat myself with grace and patience, and this was new for me.
That’s a beautiful realization! I like how your book highlights positive aspects that can come from divorce. Can you share an uplifting example from the book?
I find the most positive experiences often come from the crappiest of situations. I remember discovering one day that I had no idea how to barbecue, nor did I have one, yet I needed to host a barbecue for my son’s team in two days. I was freaking out but thankfully ordered one on Amazon. Shockingly it arrived in many, many pieces and I needed to put it together. That was the first time I sought out my neighbor, also a single mom, to help.
She was handy, and I was not, at least that’s what I thought. But together we did it. It took us all day, through a lot of sweaty stop and restarts, but we did. I was exhausted, but so proud. So what started out as an almost disaster, or so I felt at the time, ended up being one of the most empowering experiences of my life. Plus I got to meet a few firefighters (the full story is in the book) :)
Women power! I’m curious, who inspires you?
So many people inspire me, both personally and professionally. My son always knocks my socks off, and my female single mom friends blow me away with their resilience. Whenever I forget about what I’m capable of, I just take a look around and see what their doing, and the strength they truly have.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
In five years I hope to explore a little more of this world with my husband as I just became remarried a little over a year ago. My son will be in college so I will have a little more freedom, all the while missing him terribly I’m sure.
Get your copy of Not Your Mom’s Divorce
Not Your Mom’s Divorce is available online on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or anywhere books are sold. Easily find it on Amazon by clicking the image above!
Michelle encourages you to connect with her on Instagram or Facebook via her author page, Michelle Moore Phd. Find out more about her at Michellemoorephd.com.
Thank you for being here, Michelle Moore
I’d just like to add that I feel so blessed to be able to share what I have learned about the world of divorce, and all of the GOOD that can come of one, with women who might feel overwhelmed, scared, or possibly discouraged when they hear the D word. I promise you, it doesn’t have to be your worst nightmare, which is what I was afraid of before I started my journey. Finding yourself again, putting energy into “you” and your desires and dreams reminds you of how valuable you are.
— Author Michelle Moore