Being self-assured is something I have struggled with and so too has author Laine D’Souza. After finding her confidence late in life, and working for a decade as a personal trainer, standing beside women who struggled with body image and achieving self-love, she wrote the book Confidence Unleashed: Be the Unstoppable Hero of Your Own Heart. I’m pleased to interview her about how she’s helping women achieve unwavering confidence!
Disclosure: If you’re unsure of yourself, no matter your age, have I got a book for you, ladies! I look forward to what I learn as I read it. I certainly learned a lot from Laine in this sponsored interview.
Interview with Laine D’Souza
Come join us as Laine shares about her journey, including the personal experiences that have shaped her profound understanding of confidence and resilience. To start the interview, I wanted to ask her to define the main word we’re talking about: Confidence.
How do you define confidence? What does it look like?
For me, Confidence is like a blend of inner knowing and outer action.
It’s about tapping into that gut feeling that has your back and reminds you of something bigger than yourself. It’s that small, quiet, sometimes barely audible mystical voice. Whispering that you’re meant for more, for something greater. It’s about embracing your roots, remembering your past by acknowledging the resilience passed down through your ancestors, and consciously creating who you want to be by realizing that you’re here to shine, not shrink.
Confidence is cultivated. It is learning to trust yourself when you are challenged, when you are faced with the daily trials and life changing traumas of fear, doubt, loss, failure, and negativity. It is about training yourself to step out of your comfort zone, by overcoming yourself.
When we do hard things that we didn’t think we could do, we rise. How we speak to ourselves and how we think about ourselves is shaped by our up bringing, our experiences and how we speak to ourselves during those times. Cognitive thoughts can be trained just like a bicep. When we see how we speak to ourselves and then consciously create a different way, we can start to build a sense of self. Each time we step beyond what we thought was possible, we create evidence that we can trust ourselves and no one can take that from us. Confidence is not just about believing in yourself; it’s about proving to yourself you can do hard things through action.
Confidence isn’t some abstract concept; it’s as real as the ground beneath your feet. It’s about consistently trusting yourself, your instincts, and your ability to adapt and grow. It’s about facing adversity with courage and determination, knowing that every obstacle is an opportunity to learn and evolve and shine.
Confidence is not just about reckless fearlessness: it is about facing your challenges, fears, and doubts and overcoming them. It’s about acknowledging where you have come from, owning your mistakes and your failures, and learning from them in order to celebrate your small wins and life victories. Every time we overcome ourselves, we manifest an inner fire that’s uniquely ours.
Let’s talk next about the ‘confidence gap’ between men and women that has stirred some discussion lately. What are your thoughts on this?
The confidence gap between men and women isn’t just a statistic; it’s a reflection of the deep-seated societal norms that chip away at our sense of self-worth and potential. I don’t believe this should be classified into a gender topic as I know so many men who have suffered in their lives with this issue. I do believe this is a human question, and that we must take into consideration so many life factors to really use the statistics in an intentional way.
It’s deeply personal to me because I’ve felt the weight of those expectations, the pressure to conform, the constant barrage of messages telling me I’m not good enough. Growing up, I internalized these messages. I doubted myself, questioned my abilities, abandoned myself many times and struggled to find my voice in a world that often seemed determined to silence it. But as I’ve journeyed through my life, I’ve come to realize that the problem isn’t with me—it’s with the systems and structures that seek to diminish us.
It’s heartbreaking to see women, and indeed people of all genders, doubting themselves, second-guessing their worth, and settling for less than they deserve. We deserve better. We deserve to feel confident in our skin, to trust in our instincts, and to pursue our dreams without hesitation or apology.
I’ve seen firsthand the transformative power of self-love and self-acceptance, which has taken a lifetime of learning and growing and is ever evolving. It’s not always easy, and it’s certainly not a linear journey, but it’s worth it. It’s worth fighting for ourselves, for each other, and for future generations who deserve to inherit a world where confidence isn’t a luxury reserved for the privileged successful few, but a birthright inherent in us all, something that is taught like your times table.
I believe in challenging the status quo and rewriting our narrative to change the trajectory of our lives. Building a world where confidence isn’t something we have to earn, but something we claim as our own is the ideal reminds me of IMAGINE (John Lennon). It starts with each of us, first doing the inner work to embrace our worth, trusting our intuition, and lifting up ourselves and others along the way. Together, we can bridge the confidence gap and create a future where everyone knows, without a doubt, that they are enough.
Yes, that feeling of being enough is empowering! What inspired you to write Confidence Unleashed?
My Daughter.
My wish is for all young girls to know their birth right and place as a child of the stars and to know they are loved and do not have to abandon themselves or what they wish and want for other’s love and acceptance. To be able to stand in what they believe in and who they are as they grow.
That’s beautiful. In this book, you share about your insecurities. Was that challenging?
No, it wasn’t challenging for me to write about my insecurities in the book. In fact, it was quite liberating. Those insecurities are not who I am; they’re simply lessons I’ve learned along the way. Each one has been a steppingstone and a gift on my journey to where I am now, and I know there are more lessons awaiting me as I continue to grow. (new level, new devil)
I’ve come to realize that there’s immense power in vulnerability, in owning our stories and sharing them with others. It’s a reminder that we’re all human, all flawed, and all capable of transformation. I see this every day in the physical aspect of training people. While some may judge, I’ve learned to let go of that burden. Their opinions don’t define me, guide me, influence me, nor do they diminish the value of my experiences. (That is an example of confidence.)
Every insecurity, every screw up, every moment of crippling doubt has been a spiritual guide, nudging me toward greater understanding, acceptance and self-awareness. Hand on my heart, I can say as challenging as some were, I’m grateful for each one, for without them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. (And I like me. I would be my friend!) These experiences have been like spiritual angels sent to teach me the lessons I needed to learn, to help me uncover my inner strength and amazing resilience.
So yes, I’m proud of myself—not because I’m perfect or have it all figured out, but because I’ve always done the best I could with what I had in each moment. And now that I know better, I can choose to do better. There’s hope in that realization, in the knowledge that growth is ongoing and that every challenge is an opportunity for growth and transformation. Implementing the idea of grace has been crucial in my journey. Grace for myself in moments of hardship, reminding me to be gentle and forgiving with myself as I navigate life’s ups and downs. And grace for others, recognizing that choosing to believe they, too, are doing the best they can with the tools they have at their disposal.
Ultimately, it’s a choice we make: to be led by fear and negativity or by love and self-confidence. I choose the latter. For me, true growth and fulfillment are found through love and acceptance, both of myself and others.
Who is Confidence Unleashed intended for?
Everyone and anyone who feels less than, or not enough.
Can you please share one of your insights that are in the book?
You know, growing up was like navigating a maze of social circles at school. I vividly remember feeling like an outsider among the girls; their cliques seemed impenetrable. So, I gravitated towards the boys for a while, seeking refuge from the sting of rejection.
But one day, after I declined to kiss a guy, he retaliated by spreading hurtful rumors about my appearance—calling me “thunder thighs”. Those words cut deep, and I found myself hiding beneath layers of oversized clothing, letting his words define me.
Yet amidst the shadows of self-doubt, there was a girl who stood out—a beacon of confidence in a sea of conformity. She wore vibrant colors and short skirts with a fearless abandon that intrigued me.
I asked her once how she could be so unapologetically herself. Her response was simple but profound: “I might as well be true to myself now, because I don’t want to look back and regret not living authentically when I’m older.”
Her words struck a chord within me. I realized I had been allowing others’ opinions to dictate my worth. It wasn’t about conforming to their standards—it was about embracing who I was, imperfections and all.
So, to anyone who has ever felt the sting of judgment or the weight of insecurity, know this: your worth isn’t measured by someone else’s standards. True confidence blossoms from within, nurtured by the belief that you are worthy just as you are.
It’s not always easy, but by shedding the shackles of self-doubt and embracing our authenticity, we can discover the beauty of our individuality and live life on our own terms. That’s the real journey to confidence and self-discovery.
I can’t wait to read this book! What are other topics you touch on?
In my book, I delve into the profound journey of self-discovery where challenges are seen as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles to overcome. I emphasize the significance of understanding that muscle serves as the cornerstone of our health, anchoring us to a foundation of strength and vitality. Consistency emerges as the key ingredient in building daily habits that contribute to our overall well-being, nurturing confidence and reinforcing the belief in our abilities.
Moreover, I underscore the importance of falling in love with the journey of healing, recognizing that it’s not merely about reaching a destination but embracing the process of self-discovery and transformation. Along this path, our confidence becomes the structure we build upon, fortified by each milestone and setback encountered along the way.
By viewing challenges as opportunities, recognizing the significance of muscle in our health, and committing to consistency in our daily habits, we lay the groundwork for a profound journey towards self-fulfillment. It’s in this journey, marked by resilience, wisdom, and unwavering confidence, that we discover the beauty of our individuality and live life on our own terms.
How has confidence shaped your life over the years, as you’ve developed it?
As time has passed, I’ve noticed a remarkable growth in my confidence. It’s a feeling that resonates deep within me—an assurance that I can stand by my decisions even in the face of challenges. This confidence isn’t just about external validation; it’s an inner strength that allows me to rely on myself, to trust in my abilities and judgment.
Moreover, as I reflect on my journey and where I’ve come from, there’s a sense of profound gratitude that fills me from the inside out. Knowing my roots, understanding the struggles and triumphs that have shaped me, brings a genuine smile to my face—a recognition of the resilience that resides within me.
But perhaps the most empowering aspect of this journey is the realization that true confidence stems from embracing the truth of who I am and being proud of that. It’s not about conforming to societal norms or seeking approval from others; it’s about owning my identity unapologetically and finding strength in my authenticity.
Through this journey of self-discovery and acceptance, I’ve come to understand that true confidence isn’t a destination—it’s a continuous evolution, a journey of self-awareness and growth. As I embrace the truth of who I am, I find myself standing taller, walking with purpose, and radiating a quiet confidence that speaks volumes without uttering a word.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
In five years, I envision myself as a balanced woman, having embarked on a journey of personal and financial responsibility, aiming to create a lasting legacy for my family. Despite a late start, I’m dedicated to working diligently towards this goal, earning the respect and admiration of my parents while giving them financial peace of mind.
My spiritual journey remains a priority as I continue to cultivate a deep relationship with my creator, fostering gratitude for all that I have and making space for meaningful connections in my life. I am committed to maintaining my physical fitness, not defined by society’s narrow perceptions of aging, but rather embracing the process gracefully. Central to my vision is nurturing and strengthening the bonds with my husband, parents, and children whom I deeply cherish.
I aspire to be a beacon of light in the world, creating a path for others to follow and create more pathways—a path grounded in trust, love, and authenticity. Ultimately, I strive to inspire others to embrace their true selves and walk confidently in the direction of their dreams.
Connect further with Laine D’Souza
Thank you, Laine, for taking the time for this interview today! Your journey from self-doubt to empowerment inspires me, and I’m sure it will do the same for so many others. You found strength within, not needing the validation of others, and you thrive today. You are an amazing role model for your daughter! I will share my review of your book after I read it.
Find Laine at Wagyumama Ranch and RanchFit. She is also on Instagram and Facebook.
Get your copy of Confidence Unleashed today at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Words Matter Publishing.
Top photo of Laine D’Souza courtesy of Laine.