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5 Ways to Stop Hating Your Ex After Divorce

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According to statistics, over 90% of Americans marry by the time they reach 50 and around 40% of first marriages end in divorce. When you’re madly in love or when a marriage is going well, the thought of one day hating your beloved partner can seem like impossible. But, acts of betrayal, ongoing distrust or simply growing apart over time can create wedges of fear, distrust, and seemingly endless rage. Of course, that rage and hatred do little but keep you rooted to the spot. You’re unable to move on. Fortunately, there are some effective ways to ease the divorce process and stop hating your ex after divorce, if you two decide not to stay together.

Realize and Accept Your Ex Won’t Change

Couples can go through counseling and make outrageous promises to change when they somehow run right into a bridge. If you’ve tried to get back on track, sought professional assistance, and fell for empty promises, two options remain.

Either stay in a miserable marriage or accept your ex doesn’t have the interest or ability to change. If you take the latter option then you’re in the majority when it comes to who’s filing for divorce; in the U.S., more women than men initiate the divorce. Then start contacting Michigan divorce lawyers or another legal professional in your local area.

After Divorce, Take a Social Media Sabbatical

It’s easy to forget just how many social media sites are out there until you peruse your phone or favorite tech device and see that snarky meme, obvious shade, or public flirt session. Many couples are connected to extended family and mutual friends; so disconnecting from your ex can be tough even if you stop following them directly. Instead, opt for a complete break from social media. Choose a length of time, inform your closest connections, and log out.

Change Your Perspective and Reroute Your Focus

The divorce process can shift many perspectives in your life, but it can also intensify your focus on the negative aspects. As easy as it is to hate your ex after divorce and blame them for what happened, it’s far more beneficial to focus on yourself.

Making the conscious daily effort to drop the negative feelings about your ex helps speed up the healing on your end. It’s not about forgetting the past, it’s about focusing on your present and paving the future.

Be Consciously and Physically Aware of Your Emotions

Hatred can seem to take on a life of its own if you aren’t careful and attentive. Thus, be consciously aware of your emotions during and after divorce. Being stuck on your ex is normal, but creating a cycle of hatred and rage can hurt you a lot over time.

So pay attention to your emotions. Write them down to keep track of flare-ups, and seek professional assistance if they get out of control.

Stop Emotional and Verbal Self-Abuse After Divorce

Negativity is contagious. Even if you finally avoid talking trash about your ex after divorce, those thoughts and words can transfer to yourself. Thoughts and admissions such as “I deserved…,” “I’m stupid…,” and I’m not worthy” can indefinitely extend the suffering and postpone your happiness.

Furthermore, shifting hatred between your ex and yourself only prolongs the anger. It also forces you to relive the past again and again.

A healthier alternative is to let go and focus on positive changes and aspects of your life. If you can’t release the anger yourself, ask your Michigan divorce lawyers for professional suggestions for your needs and budget.

How do you let go of anger or bitterness after a major life event? 

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16 Comments

  1. map195 May 7, 2019

    shocking high rate of divorce in USA…..

    Reply
    1. Christy B May 7, 2019

      Sad, isn’t it…

  2. Resa May 7, 2019

    A valuable article!

    Reply
    1. Christy B May 13, 2019

      For healing sake… It felt strange publishing it though as I head toward my wedding ;)

    2. Resa May 13, 2019

      I can see that. Hey, best not to carry around heavy luggage. Let him lug his own baggage!

    3. Christy B May 13, 2019

      “Let it go” as the Frozen song goes ;)

  3. The Coastal Crone May 7, 2019

    Good tips! Time is the best healer.

    Reply
    1. Christy B May 13, 2019

      Time can do so much…

  4. Jeri Walker (@JeriWB) May 12, 2019

    The most valuable lesson I’ve learned is that the only thing I can control is my own reactions. I’ve wasted so much energy on two men who it certainly wasn’t worth doing so over.

    Reply
    1. Christy B May 13, 2019

      Controling our emotions and thoughts is huge. Once we figure out how to get a healthy grasp on them, well, the world is our oyster xo

  5. kathieyv May 13, 2019

    I enjoyed your article. The damage an unwanted divorce does in ones life is beyond description. Forgiveness is a process but a necessary one as we move away from the initial trauma.

    Reply
    1. Christy B May 13, 2019

      As you say, it’s a process. Thanks Kathie.

  6. preciousphilip May 17, 2019

    It was hard for me at first to forget about my ex it was so bitter for me then, but my friends and family were there to help. A very good article, bravo!

    Reply
    1. Christy B May 17, 2019

      The support of friends and family benefits so many many situations!

  7. heatherjo86 May 18, 2019

    These are great suggestions! Studying the Bible has helped me to see just how damaging unchecked anger and resentment can be. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A stupid person gives vent to all his feelings, But the wise one calmly keeps them in check.” and Proverbs 25:28 says, “As a city broken through, without a wall, Is the man who cannot control his temper.” After a bad breakup we have every right to be angry and resentful, but I’ve learned that we can work to regain our happiness by helping others in need. No matter what we’re going through, someone else has it worse. Helping others makes you more gracious and thankful for your blessings. You also gain happiness by being a blessing to someone else (Acts 20:35).

    Reply
    1. Christy B May 18, 2019

      Your words about being thankful for what we have read so beautifully. Blessings to you, Heather Jo!

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