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5 Ways to Stop Hating Your Ex After Divorce

Woman sad after divorce

According to statistics, over 90% of Americans marry by the time they reach 50 and around 40% of first marriages end in divorce. When you’re madly in love or when a marriage is going well, the thought of one day hating your beloved partner can seem like impossible. But, acts of betrayal, ongoing distrust or simply growing apart over time can create wedges of fear, distrust, and seemingly endless rage. Of course, that rage and hatred do little but keep you rooted to the spot. You’re unable to move on. Fortunately, there are some effective ways to ease the divorce process and stop hating your ex after divorce, if you two decide not to stay together.

Realize and Accept Your Ex Won’t Change

Couples can go through counseling and make outrageous promises to change when they somehow run right into a bridge. If you’ve tried to get back on track, sought professional assistance, and fell for empty promises, two options remain.

Either stay in a miserable marriage or accept your ex doesn’t have the interest or ability to change. If you take the latter option then you’re in the majority when it comes to who’s filing for divorce; in the U.S., more women than men initiate the divorce. Then start contacting Michigan divorce lawyers or another legal professional in your local area.

After Divorce, Take a Social Media Sabbatical

It’s easy to forget just how many social media sites are out there until you peruse your phone or favorite tech device and see that snarky meme, obvious shade, or public flirt session. Many couples are connected to extended family and mutual friends; so disconnecting from your ex can be tough even if you stop following them directly. Instead, opt for a complete break from social media. Choose a length of time, inform your closest connections, and log out.

Change Your Perspective and Reroute Your Focus

The divorce process can shift many perspectives in your life, but it can also intensify your focus on the negative aspects. As easy as it is to hate your ex after divorce and blame them for what happened, it’s far more beneficial to focus on yourself.

Making the conscious daily effort to drop the negative feelings about your ex helps speed up the healing on your end. It’s not about forgetting the past, it’s about focusing on your present and paving the future.

Be Consciously and Physically Aware of Your Emotions

Hatred can seem to take on a life of its own if you aren’t careful and attentive. Thus, be consciously aware of your emotions during and after divorce. Being stuck on your ex is normal, but creating a cycle of hatred and rage can hurt you a lot over time.

So pay attention to your emotions. Write them down to keep track of flare-ups, and seek professional assistance if they get out of control.

Stop Emotional and Verbal Self-Abuse After Divorce

Negativity is contagious. Even if you finally avoid talking trash about your ex after divorce, those thoughts and words can transfer to yourself. Thoughts and admissions such as “I deserved…,” “I’m stupid…,” and I’m not worthy” can indefinitely extend the suffering and postpone your happiness.

Furthermore, shifting hatred between your ex and yourself only prolongs the anger. It also forces you to relive the past again and again.

A healthier alternative is to let go and focus on positive changes and aspects of your life. If you can’t release the anger yourself, ask your Michigan divorce lawyers for professional suggestions for your needs and budget.

How do you let go of anger or bitterness after a major life event? 

21 thoughts on “5 Ways to Stop Hating Your Ex After Divorce”

  1. Very interesting. Thanks for sharing.
    In my research of the Bible, Genesis 2:24 relates to this very blog when it says “that is why a man will leave his father and mother and he will stick to his wife and they will become one flesh”
    So when this does not happen it is only expected that you will experience a wide range of emotions. On the other hand, you might still feel love for this person with whom you shared a one flesh bond with.

    Trying some practical things can reduce some stress:
    1. Fight negative thinking (writing down your thoughts help to clarify and control thinking)
    2. Let hurtful comments pass (Friends and family may say things that are painful or even incorrect in your case)!
    3. Pray to God (God encourages us to throw all our anxiety on him)

    1. Thanks Missy for sharing your thoughts on this one in relation to the Bible. It’s true that religious values affect how we feel. And it can get complicated whenever the heart is involved!

  2. These are great suggestions! Studying the Bible has helped me to see just how damaging unchecked anger and resentment can be. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A stupid person gives vent to all his feelings, But the wise one calmly keeps them in check.” and Proverbs 25:28 says, “As a city broken through, without a wall, Is the man who cannot control his temper.” After a bad breakup we have every right to be angry and resentful, but I’ve learned that we can work to regain our happiness by helping others in need. No matter what we’re going through, someone else has it worse. Helping others makes you more gracious and thankful for your blessings. You also gain happiness by being a blessing to someone else (Acts 20:35).

  3. I enjoyed your article. The damage an unwanted divorce does in ones life is beyond description. Forgiveness is a process but a necessary one as we move away from the initial trauma.

    1. Controling our emotions and thoughts is huge. Once we figure out how to get a healthy grasp on them, well, the world is our oyster xo

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