Breaking the cycle of abuse: Megan Harris M. releases memoir to help others

In Not You: A Memoir, Megan Harris M. chronicles her tumultuous journey as a single mother and how she finally broke the cycle of abuse. Shortly after high school, Megan intentionally conceived a child in a misguided attempt to gain acceptance. This decision led her down a difficult road, including a year in a maternity home and mental health issues. The births of three more children eventually helped her develop the self-respect needed to be a responsible mom. The memoir is a powerful look at overcoming abuse, developing self-love, and, ultimately, helping others who are struggling.

Megan began writing the book in third-person

It wasn’t until she met a great writing professor during her master’s program that she began telling her story from the first-person perspective. “It started off using third-person point of view because I initially wanted to ‘hide’ behind an unknown narrator,” Megan told me. Then the teacher challenged her to begin telling my story from first-person, her point of view. “That taught me how to be brave and bold in my writing.”

After healing, she felt inspired to tell her whole story. In our conversation, she explained, “When I began writing Not You in my 30s, it was so great to be able to say, ‘Yes, I did have children out of wedlock, and no, I didn’t learn my lesson the very first time! And yes, I do have a very hard head. But you know what? I’m working, going to school for an advanced degree, and taking care of these kids like a real boss, just so I can play catch-up and correct those past mistakes.’

There’s nothing like finally learning to love yourself, just as you are, and being able to give back to the community what you’re able to take away from all those ‘adventures’ in life.”

Megan also told me that while writing the rough draft of the memoir was easy, words pouring onto the pages, editing it was a challenge. Why? Doing so forced her to really reflect on her past traumas. She took a year away from the manuscript to give herself time to heal before returning to ultimately publish the book in May of 2024.

Her turning point: Breaking free from the cycle of abuse

What was the start of her turning point? “After my second son was born (and he survived), I had finally tired of the abuse that was part of my life,” she told me. “I was exhausted after having gone through the pregnancy on my own, and I also had my nine-year-old at the time.

It was hard raising two children by myself, and one day I just snapped out of being the victim… It was at that point when I began to realize that for the sake of my two sons and my quickly-depleting energy levels that I just couldn’t accept the dysfunction I had been a part of for so long.”

She went on to explain that while things didn’t automatically change, this was the beginning of her realizing that if she wanted things to be different, she had to do things differently. Doing so would help her keep her job and care for her kids well.

More about Not You: A Memoir

The memoir is a candid, honest account, with the goal to help others find their way out of similar struggles. Megan told me that she hopes readers learn to love themselves and avoid repeating her mistakes, understanding that self-respect requires leaving toxic relationships and focusing on personal growth.

When I asked her what she would say to a woman who finds self-respect so difficult to achieve, she replied, “To that woman I would say leave all abusive people and relationships alone. Even though we may not have been loved or treated kindly in our pasts, I do believe that deep down we know how we deserve to be treated.

And if you’re not getting that in a relationship, it’s time to abandon it. And this includes relationships and friendships.”

She explained that she gave people who did not treat her well several chances because she was scared to be alone. But that led to a toxic environment that ate away at the good things in her life.

Instead, she said, “find a career/hobby that you’re passionate about, go back to school, practice self-care regularly — do whatever it takes to get back into you and become whatever happiness you’re seeking from the outside… Put that energy into yourself, and you will see your confidence and self-respect blossom, I promise.”

A few last words from Megan Harris M.

“I did not put a trigger warning on the memoir; however, it’s honest and graphic. And though I thought about the possible negative criticism I may receive for its candidness, I wanted to be as open as possible in this personal account.

Some readers may get frustrated because I do repeat some of my same bad habits. However, without my transparency, I don’t think my story would be able to do exactly what I created it to do, and that’s to help others understand that there is always a way out.”

— Megan Harris M., author of Not You: A Memoir

Today, Megan is pursuing a PhD in English and teaching at Morgan State University, where she incorporates her experiences into her work to support others facing similar challenges. She lives in Maryland with her five children.

How do you prioritize your well-being and avoid toxic relationships? Thinking about Megan’s journey, what personal experiences or decisions in your own life have your recognizes as cycles that need breaking?