Co-parenting can be an extraordinarily difficult task depending on the nature of the separation. A key to making it successful is to separate the personal relationship that you may have with your ex from the co-parenting relationship. Often, one of the best things to do is to try and create an entirely new relationship with the ex-spouse after the divorce. This article will detail some top tips for peaceful co-parenting with your ex.
Child maintenance
To ensure that you maintain a peaceful relationship with your co-parent, the non-resident parent must pay their fair share of child maintenance to the parent with care. Child maintenance is a fee that aims to split the everyday cost of living of a child who only stays with one parent. In the UK, the payments only stop once the child is in full-time education up to their A-levels or until they are 20 years of age.
To apply for this service, parents should go through lawyers to make it fair and equal. If this does not occur, it could lead to unpaid child maintenance (UCM). UCM can lead to legal disputes in the form of:
- Money comes out of your bank account without your consent
- Bailiffs take your possessions to the value of the money owed
- Your driver’s license is in danger of being taken
- In some of the worst cases, prison could be enforced
Co-parenting successfully: Put personal feelings for your ex aside
Feelings are going to flare, and sometimes those emotions can cloud judgment. That makes sense, as being hurt and angry is a part of dealing with heartbreaks. However, sometimes you must be the bigger person and place your children’s feelings ahead of your own. So, what should you do?
Release your feelings somewhere else. You should never unleash your problems on your child. The best form of action would be to exercise a healthy outlet for letting off steam, such as sports or other hobbies.
Some people find it helpful to go to therapy after a divorce. It can also be helpful to talk with a therapist during the divorce process when stress is likely to be very high.
Stay child-focused. If you feel stressed, angry, or irritated, always have your child at the back of your thoughts. If you feel agitated trying to maintain a relationship with your ex, remind yourself of how important your kids are. Speaking civilly about the other parent to your children after the divorce is the best thing.
Communication methods
It can be easy to let your mind sway and fall short on healthy communication methods with your ex-partner. The key to a successful relationship post-divorce is to set a ‘’professional’’ tone. By doing so, you will be able to speak in a civil way with your ex about your child.
Listening is something that you must adapt to, as well. Even if you disagree with your ex-partner about certain issues, it is still important to listen to their concerns and points to work through them with fair discussion.
Another tip for maintaining a good relationship while co-parenting is to keep the conversation child-focused. If the conversation centers around the kids, it prevents unresolved feelings from sneaking in. It can keep negative thoughts from entering the brain when speaking with someone with whom you may not have a great relationship now.
Also, be mindful of how you speak with your child, whether it’s about the other parent or anything else. Getting angry at your child isn’t effective parenting.
Co-parenting well with your ex doesn’t happen overnight
Maintaining a peaceful relationship with a co-parent is going to be a difficult task for most people. However, it is not impossible. The tips above can help make the transition a smoother one.
That doesn’t just manifest overnight, though. Learning how to peacefully parent with an ex can take months or sometimes years to become natural. From upholding your end on child maintenance to learning simple yet integral communication methods, there is always something that can be done to ensure that you maintain a peaceful co-parenting relationship with your ex.
HI Christy, I am grateful I am not in this position and not likely to ever be.
Indeed, Robbie. Family is precious.
Having taught a lot of kids from divorced homes, parents have to try and get along, at least in front of the kids. When parents vent in front of their kids about each other, they are putting their children in an impossible situation. Some divorced parents attended parent/teacher conferences together. but some had to have separate conferences. Most schools will try to accommodate this if necessary.
I hope most parents see the need to be civil to one another in front of their kids. Otherwise, the child suffers more than they likely already are… Thanks Pete for sharing your experiences with parents x