The same whirlwind of emotions that cause a deep, loving connection with someone can just as quickly pull a marriage apart. The warmth that once defined that relationship seeps away, leaving coldness, bitterness, and mutual distrust in its place. Below are 5 tell-tale signs your marriage is falling apart and ways to help save it, if you feel it is worth saving.
On matrimony
No couple enters a marriage expecting a divorce. But when the union begins to fall apart, sometimes a divorce is the best outcome for both parties. If ultimately the issues cannot be resolved, find out how to get a divorce step-by-step.
The most common signs your marriage is falling apart are:
1. Disagreements become arguments
Even people in love have disagreements. It’s normal to clash over certain issues as a couple, such as finances or household chores, and engaging in discussion and debate with your significant other is healthy. These talks can be beneficial to a relationship by opening up the lines of communication.
However, there is a fine line between discussing an issue and having an argument. If you frequently find discussion descends into shouting matches, name-calling, and conflict, it could be an early marker of trouble.
2. No intimacy
Sexual intimacy is a key component of a loving and strong marriage. Without sexual intimacy, your marriage is indistinguishable from a close friendship.
Sex is part of what separates your relationship with your husband and wife from the other relationships in your life. It helps maintain connection.
If the intimacy disappears and sexual contact withers away, your relationship risks losing its spark. The result can be a declining marriage.
3. Their arrival leads to a mood deterioration
The emotions you felt when your partner used to walk into a room early on in the relationship will no doubt change once your lives become more intertwined, children come along, and the responsibilities of parenting and maintaining a home hold more weight. However, if your partner’s arrival constantly fills you with stress and anxiety, then something is amiss.
The good news is that these emotions are addressable. Make the effort to spend some time together in a positive setting.
Spend quality time as a couple doing something you used to enjoy doing to build new, positive memories together. Also, make sure you have time apart to build your own sense of self, which will help you enjoy those moments together even more than before.
More signs your marriage is falling apart:
4. Small talk prevails
Communication is a pillar of any loving marriage. Couples that stop communicating lose the ability to solve problems together and address issues as a team. Instead they become isolated and operate as two disconnected individuals.
A loss of communication doesn’t necessarily mean not speaking, by the way. If you are still talking regularly but note that few interactions go beyond small talk, you may be in the throes of a communication blackout.
5. No shared interests
While opposites can often attract, presumably in the process of establishing a flame with someone, there were some activities you used to do together than you both enjoyed. If these activities are no longer ones you share, and both parties find themselves spending leisure time alone rather than balancing independent and shared activities, there are likely problems brewing.
However, you can likely find common ground still. Perhaps your spouse is an introvert, for example, and these date ideas can help encourage fun moments as a couple in the near future.
Warning signs your marriage is falling apart
Identifying these warning flags early on and communicating with your partner about them can help restore your marriage to full strength. If some or all of these signs are present in your relationship, it’s time to work on nurturing and feeding the love that remains between you two.
If the marriage continues to fail despite the work you’re both putting into it, then consider counseling sessions. If that doesn’t help then it might be time to make some difficult decisions regarding the future of your marriage.
Thanks for sharing. A solid marriage is made up of two people who make allowances for each other’s imperfections. They both continue putting up with each other and forgiving each other freely., knowing that both mates will make mistakes. When that happens, there are opportunities to learn from these errors, to be forgiving, and to let love have full sway as a perfect bond of union. My favorite text 1 Cor. 13:4,5 “love is patient and kind. . . . It does not keep account of the injury.”
A sad article illustrating a gross misunderstanding of marriage. You might want to seek out different perspectives from couples with proven relationship (marital) success so you don’t repeat the same patterns in future relationships, which is something we tend to do without solid mentoring. You’ve touched on a number of meaningful topics here, each in itself worthy of many pages of response: Managing conflict … marital intimacy … emotional connection — all which go with the territory. Marriage never just falls apart. Husbands and wives just bail instead of digging in and reach out for competent care. My experience is that marriages that work through the tough patches end up being stronger and better able to minister to other distressed marriages that cross their path.
Interesting post, Christy. I think keeping your sex life alive is very important. One of the newly married men at work asked me the secret for a long marriage [I will be married 19 years on 9 Feb which in his eyes makes me ancient and my marriage exceptionally long]. I told him its all about the sex. He did go three shades of red, poor chap, but it is the truth.
Lots to master here! However, every item is addressable and survivable.
I have over 35 years of proof!
Are you friends or not?
I agree with what Stevie Turner wrote in that comment. With the aging process, intimacy sometimes changes, but a loving relationship need not end. True love takes different forms in all kinds of relationships. Wishing you a lifetime of true love, Christy!
Sometimes a lack of sexual intimacy is forced upon us by menopause or illness. There are many middle-aged couples who still love each other but do not have sex. Sex (or the lack of it) is not the be-all-and-end-all in middle and old age as it was when we were young. Nature ensures that women cannot have sex without problems when their reproductive lives are over, but hey, a lack of oestrogen causes them not to want it anyway! If their partners still love them, then marriages do not fall apart, I can assure you!
Good points. Sex alone will never hold a ‘good’ marriage. If a marriage is solid and sexual things change for various reasons, it will remain good and supportive. Keys – supportive, respect and humor – recipe for healthy marriage. :) xx
Of course. The young don’t know what they’ve got coming, lol. x
LOL, we can only pass on words of wisdom :) x
This makes me so thankful of my own Wonderful marriage which will be of 45 yrs at the end of this month.. :-)