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Marriage failing? How to save it (if that’s the healthiest choice)

marriage failing

Do you look at your couple friends and think, “They seem so happy. Why aren’t we more like them?” Do you feel lonely, even though you live with your significant other? Do you feel like the love and sense of fun is missing from your relationship? If you end up getting divorced, you’re not alone. Close to half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. Sometimes that’s the healthiest option for a failing marriage. But if you want to try to save your marriage before even going there then here are some options:

Take Some Time Apart

It’s easy to believe the idea that it’s not right to need a break from the person you vowed to love “‘til death do us part.” But the reality is that it could be the best possible thing for your mutual happiness.

“Sometimes, just getting away from your partner for a weekend or even a week or 10 days will help you to gather your thoughts and emotions,” says the Working Mother blog. Everyone needs a break from time to time, and if the stressful moments in your relationship begin to outweigh the happy ones, it could be exactly the opportunity you need to reflect and regroup.

Seek Professional Help, and Do It Early On

From lack of communication to extra-marital affairs, there are a number of reasons you and your partner might feel it is necessary to involve a relationship professional. As per Counsellor Dennis Paget:

“One piece of advice I believe on how to save your marriage is to seek help early instead of waiting for contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling to become entrenched in the relationship.”

This quote speaks to the importance of getting marriage counseling soon after things get rocky between you two. Like any problem, a marriage failing is easier to handle if the issues are recognized and addressed before becoming ingrained. Of course, this may be easier said than done. But being aware of seemingly trivial difficulties in a relationship and tackling them early on can prevent them from becoming potential marriage-enders.

Save Your Marriage or Call It a Day

Sometimes, the smartest thing to do in a failing marriage is to stop trying to save it. Instead, let it go. It’s a sad admission to make, but there is no shame in admitting that it simply hasn’t worked out – and moving on to healthier things.

Divorce can prove to be a long and tricky process. Particularly if there is significant wealth to divide between you two or if there are young children.

Couples with investments, businesses, or high net worth will have a particularly difficult hurdle in divorce proceedings when dividing up assets. It’s something that can pile on the stress in an already painful process, but also stress is avoidable with the help of a specialist high asset divorce lawyer. Knowing that the settlement will be taken care of fairly will help settle your mind.

Divorces involving child custody are among the most complicated and stressful, especially if the parents split up on poor terms. An expert child custody lawyer can help you determine reasonable custody and visitation rights as you navigate the court system.

Marriage Failing: Decide What’s Best for Your Family

If time apart, counseling or all other options fail, you may decide to take the tough next step of divorce. It may comfort you to know experts can guide you through the court process and explain your legal rights. Then hopefully the road is less bumpy, especially if you have kids. Then you can be on your way to a more fulfilling life.

8 thoughts on “Marriage failing? How to save it (if that’s the healthiest choice)”

  1. I like this read, and appreciate it that for the mere fact that it is based on the here/now society rather than “old school” society.

    I do have some rebuttals of course, or really, just some opinions/questions.

    First of all, Do you believe that our society is so rushed to get in and get going with life that it causes us to marry for the wrong reasons? Or that it’s the idea of love rather than the actual concept and action of? Because I feel we just haven’t taken the time we should be taking to get to know people, getting to know their flaws so we can decide if we can proceed with said flaws on a daily basis. I also feel a lot of us do not, in fact, deal with our past issues and are expecting others who give us a fuzzy feeling to give us that feeling all of the time and then when it dissipates we are left even more damaged by our own doing. I only say that because that’s what I did and it took a long time to realize that but thankfully am married to a very patient man who helped me realize this. It was only then when I dealt with my past, started “dating” my husband, and really got to know him did I find our marriage salvageable. I’m not speaking for everyone, just myself honestly. But what are your thoughts?

    I am also a proponent for seeking professional opinions. Therapy is almost a must if we are to live in a fast paced world where we don’t really have time to let things settle, they just have to keep going.

    1. Hi Darcy, thanks for the great comment. I agree with your words about getting to know someone slowly, although I also recognize that some people “click” very quickly. So in this regard I don’t think it’s possible to put a timeline on stages for progressing with a relationship from dating through to marriage. I look at tough times are tests of sorts for marriages. And I recognize not every marriage is healthy, which is why I titled this one “How to Save It – If that’s the Healthiest Route.” Your remark about “dating” your husband is a good one – I think dating is still important as we’re all so busy that we can drift a bit from one another or not have quality one-on-one time regularly with our partner. Great chatting with you!

  2. Don’t have an affair…. I did…why? To this day I still don’t know ….

    if you’re not happy, talk to your other half, find out from each other what’s not right… I tried & we found lots of faults with each other but I had done the damage & no turning back the clock

  3. That is a hard one.. I grew up in a very argumentative and sometimes violent atmosphere with fighting parents.. I grew up dreading the constant fights and even to this day, I cannot stand being in an argumentative environment.. Eventually when I was in my twenties, my parents divorced. Neither led Happy ever after lives.
    Parents who stay together saying it is for the sake of the children,have to consider the effects their relationship is having on their offspring..
    So if they can reconcile their differences fine.. But which ever way you look at it.. The children of a broken relationship suffer.. They suffer because they are in the middle of their fights and verbal disagreements and they suffer when they divorce..
    It still affected me greatly even though I was 21 when my parents finally threw in the towel..
    Thank you for sharing Christy.

    I wish they had gone to seek help… but there wasn’t that facility available as it is today. <3
    Much Love.. :-)

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