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After you’ve been hurt by a romantic partner, how do you go back to trusting again? I know that I, for one, found it difficult to trust a man again when I started dating years after an abusive relationship. I had taken years away from relationships on purpose (for many reasons). Trusting someone else with my heart was not something that would come easy for me. To be honest, I still have days that I struggle.
I look back on my 20’s and think wow I didn’t even question if the guy I was dating was faithful to me or not. Nope. I just assumed he was. That he respected me. And that he respected us as a pair like I did. This was true regardless of how we came to know one another, whether through a friend, work, or an online dating platform like Devon dating.
Then came a difficult, unhealthy relationship in which I was cheated on. While there are more hurts involved than that one alone in that relationship, the affair was certainly one piece that rattled me and made me question how to ever trust another man in a romantic way again.
I remember thinking I would never date again. I watched friends form happy connections around me, including on dating sites. Today there are popular ones like Wiltshire dating and North Yorkshire dating site. Others met in the workplace, at dance clubs, and were set up on dates by loved ones.
But I was sure that I wouldn’t fall in love again. So I avoided any of those opportunities. Sometimes something shakes you so bad that you lose the ability to trust without putting up a wall first that the other person has to power through to reach your heart. At least that’s what happened to me.
There’s obviously not just one way to get back to trusting someone. For me, it still takes a lot of time. Eventually I learned that I am allowed to be happy. And that I must be hopeful about finding love. Only once I accepted these things was I able to find love. I believe that we must accept these things as single women in Plymouth, Victoria, Vancouver, Tokyo, London, Mexico City, and anywhere else.
My boyfriend is very patient, and he says things like “I know it will take time for me to earn your trust because of what you’ve been through.” This means a lot to me as it’s not him specifically that I’m having difficulty building trust with but instead whoever would be my partner. I know it is a lot for him to be patient about and I’m doing my best also to learn to trust fully again.
But why am I going to all of this trouble? Because he’s worth it. Because I deserve to be in a healthy, trustworthy relationship. Gloucester dating or dating anywhere else in the world isn’t easy to do after your confidence has been shaken at its core from a previous partner (or multiple exes). But getting back out there and dating is how to open yourself up to an opportunity for love. I now believe in not only being loved for who I truly am but also wholeheartedly caring for someone else for that same reason. This is what each of us deserves.
What advice would you give someone for building trust in a relationship?
Always remember even the darkest of clouds have a silver lining.
I think honesty is always really important from the start and remembering that just because the last person cheated it doesnt mean the next one will. I think i have learnt to protect my heart for longer until i really feel sure about where things are going but its not easy.
A bit better than the daft posts I did the other day. As a man, my recommendation to the women out there is to look for hints of self-deprecation and humility. Always a good sign he won’t be a bit of a bad one. GOSH helps too, of course, plus the rugged jawline of a Hunkosaurous.
You ask a very difficult question to answer. Time & true kindness to each other are essential. That’s what I know the most.
We all sure deserve true love, and a sincere partner in love, however we live in a ‘floating world’ an ancient Buddhist term signifying “this world of sorrow, and grief”
We sure have to be alert, to the signs of a bad relationship, but ultimately we all have to make peace with what we got, some win the lottery, most of us do not.
So in love, and life, we got to live with the consequences, of our mistakes, and the grievances occasioned by others to us, age and maturity make us see things with better perspective, and many times give us acceptance, and consolation, for what we went through.
Of course it will be ideal to know, and to be aware of things, but as young people, we lack the experience, and therefore we do mistakes, so we all have to work our way out of them.
Thank you Christy, a nice post as usual. :-)
Before I met future husby, I had trust issues: my own family had endured multiple siblings who’d had an unfaithful relationship and my own parents didn’t have a harmonious marriage. My motto was: “there are a lot of frogs out there and I suppose I have to kiss a lot of them before I find my prince.”
When I met my prince, he was patient, I carefully explained my own experiences, and he waited as long as necessary for me to be ready with my heart. :)
I always knew that if I didn’t find my prince, I was going to be happy and single, by golly. So either way, I knew I could carry my own power wherever I went. You, too, have your own power and your heart knows what it seeks. Just keep listening to your heart, know that you have power, and keep on keeping on because you are awesome!!
4 years now without dating, exactly because of that
I have not dated in a very long time, so I do not have any personal observations to share. I have seen how my kids have gone about it. Those were a series of train wrecks of epic proportions.
Patience is never a bad thing. Happiness is always a worthy goal, and worth pursuing.
And, to be clear, I believe happiness is something we must attain ourselves, before we are able to have a healthy relationship with someone else. Only once we are truly happy with ourselves can we reach out to another and not deplete of our own spirit (my opinion). Thanks for being here!
I don’t know if I can give a good advice to tell a friend, but what I like to tell myself while going through dating is that not only do I deserve to be loved the way I love myself but I have to find a guy that loves me enough to be worth the pain and heartache, because that’s part of living and it’s everywhere around us, not only through romantic relationship, but with family life, friendships that end, dog’s that die, there’s always an ending to a journey, but we have to give us the opportunity to find the pain that is worth it.
You really are inspirational. Your words touch with so much honesty and hope for everyone out there in this complicated world we live in. Nothing is simple or easy, but if ‘love’ is the outcome…it’s well worth it.
You help motivate me, Tessa <3
After you and your partner split up, you will most likely be feeling many different emotions. Most of them probably won’t be happy ones. A heartbreak is like no other pain. Some often say they truly feel their heart hurting.
After you and your partner split, give yourself some much needed time before you move into another relationship
Good for you, Christy. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there again. There are two things to remember though ; you are worth the effort, and it would be wrong to allow the ex to spoil the rest of your life. I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
Thank you, Amy. And may your week ahead be wonderful <3
I needed this!
I am happy for you Christy. You’re boyfriend sounds like a keeper, thoughtful and patient.
Many hugs for you, Susan xo
“I look back on my 20’s and think wow I didn’t even question if the guy I was dating was faithful to me or not”
I miss that^ and question if I will ever be that naive again.
In my case I was the “side” involuntarily, I was lied to. I immediately got upset and felt bad for the girl but then again I thought, she’s happy right now, ignorance is bliss.
Words to live by , thank you for writing this blog
I’m glad you found it useful!
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