Having the courage to speak up about your most vulnerable moments is difficult. When you do so to help others realize they are not alone and find hope, I see you as brave and beautiful. That is how I see Claire Plaskow, whose memoir Understanding Me is a candid exploration of her personal struggles and growth. I had the pleasure to ask about her journey through hidden pain, including struggles with anorexia, and her emphasis on finding peace within oneself. Our conversation follows.
Disclosure: In this moving sponsored interview, Claire shares her journey of self-discovery, offering hope and encouragement to those facing similar battles, and emphasizing the power of understanding and finding happiness in life’s small moments.
On the road to recovery
By attending a rehabilitation center, individuals gain access to personalized treatment plans, life skills training, and ongoing support, which are essential for maintaining long-term health and well-being. Seeking help is a brave and commendable step, and there should be no shame in wanting to improve your life and health. Investing in professional rehabilitation services is a proactive step towards a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Interview with Claire Plaskow
Welcome, Claire! Let’s begin by looking at what inspired you to write this book about your personal journey.
What inspired you to write Understanding Me, and why now?
Exhaustion! I was so sick and tired of the secrets, the masks the self-hatred, self-harm, shame and disgust with myself. And after 10 years of silence, secrets and lies, I finally came to a place of acceptance. And that was it, the point at which I said myself, this is who I am, and this is how it will be!
And suddenly a huge weight was lifted, and I was ready to talk, no, shout from the rooftops. You see, the journey I’ve been on and will be on for the rest of my life has it’s ugly side, but it also has bought me sunshine, peace, contentment and joy in a world which rejects you.
As much as this book is raw and honest and at times hard to read, it is also educational, thought provoking and positive! There is no point in kidding ourselves that life is a bed of roses, and if there’s one thing we have all learnt over the past few years is that the only thing certain life is uncertainty. But we can learn and embrace little ways to make the hard times better. And that’s what I hope readers take from this.
Even if it’s just one thing that provides help in some little way, it may be the one thing that makes living in this world a little easier, and who doesn’t want an easier life.
To those who are battling privately, as you once did, what do you want to tell them through the pages of this book?
Never give up hope. There’s a saying, “where there’s life, there’s hope”; I live the other way around, “where there’s hope there’s life”.
And most importantly take time to understand you! This is not a quick journey, and it’s one that never ends. It requires commitment, patience and time and a whole lot of strength to keep fighting but we can do it.
We DO do it. Because we are still here!
Can you please share with us some of the moments that helped you find the courage to share your story?
The eternal love and support from my family and friends. I have always been a writer, from written letters and pen pals in the 80’s to hospital and rehab diaries and a harrowing daily blog (unseen never re-read) of the worst part of this journey, between 2013 and 2019.
“You should write a book” has been mentioned many a time over the decades but I never seriously considered it. Until a chance meeting in 2019.
A mutual friend introduced me to a man who had heard about “my story” and he wanted to do a podcast with me. I agreed under the condition that I used a pseudonym as I didn’t want anyone to know who I was. It was his words of encouragement and commitment to making sure people heard my story that made this all possible.
The funny thing is, as I was writing it, doing the drafts, having it edited and deciding to self-publish so getting artwork ready, I STILL didn’t believe I would have a book. It was only when a physical copy was in my hands that it became real!
If I hadn’t of had the amazing people I have behind me, I would never had the courage.
Your book addresses many struggles, from financial to relationships and health. Can you share a bit about this for those who want to know more about Understanding Me?
I wrote this book with the hope that readers can identify and reflect on their own similarities and battles, be they financial struggles, relationship challenges, health issues, parenthood, abuse, depression, prejudice, or social exclusion. The experiences we have may differ but the nature of them is the same. And they can be messy.
Throughout my journey I have experienced them all, none so much as mental health and sickness. I first became anorexic at 19 when I was at university which led to my first stay (locked up) in a mental hospital. The years that followed saw me fall deeper into alcohol and drug addiction as a way to both hide it and escape from it. Inevitably this led to years of self-destructive behavior resulting in a choice of giving up drink and drugs or dying.
I took myself to rehab at the age of 39 in 2013 and can proudly say that I am still sober at 50! However, it came at a huge cost, my body and mind. I lost both. And it has been a fight every single day since.
But it is a battle I still fight and have no intention of ever giving up on and it’s the lessons I have learnt along the way that I wanted to share. That is what Understanding Me is all about, not “me” but all of us, and how we need to understand not just ourselves but others. However grave or challenging a situation, there are always positives to find and hope to be had if you’re willing to find them.
What do you hope people take away from reading your journey of self-discovery?
Take time to understand all sides of the battle/challenge. Don’t be judgmental. Think about how other people think/feel/behave, understand, and accept that people’s responses to certain situations are often not those you want them to be and try to put yourself in their position. Really think how they may be feeling and what they may be thinking and see things from their perspective.
And always be open to learning, understanding, and recognizing the power of thinking and how to use it as a friend rather than enemy. Life may not have the rosiest future for some of us but there ARE ways to make it a bit better. And remember that we are all a work in progress.
What are some ways to prioritize our own happiness?
Know what makes you smile and avoid what doesn’t. I mean the little things, those moments where you feel such calm and peace, however short they may be. As cliché as it is, I get so much joy from listening to birds and trees swaying. I get ridiculously excited when I see pretty flowers. I am silly happy when I listen to good music, especially when an old tune comes on that puts me right back in a very good time in life!
One of the main positives of my journey is how the things that used to matter really don’t anymore. It is our surroundings and the people we chose to bring in it that bring happiness.
Oh, and humour. You HAVE to have humour! Yes, it means laughing at yourself often, but if I’m honest, no one make me laugh more than me!
Is there strength to be found in being vulnerable?
Yes and no. Vulnerability has kept me as a prisoner in my own body, mind and home for 10 years. Fear of judgment!
Over the years I have had strangers approach me on the street and comment on my thinness, people stare at me and whisper to one another, and the worst, looks of pity. I can NOT abide pity. The more this happened the less I ventured out.
And that is where vulnerability was a problem. It held me back from living a life rather than merely existing. It made me feel like a freak and a misfit. It pushed me further away from reality and deeper into self-isolation.
But vulnerability is also positive in the sense that it allows us to open up to others. In sharing we gain strength, understanding and a freedom to be our real selves. It can improve relationships by inviting the person into your world rather than shutting them out. And it is a huge release to be able to just be you.
Get Your Copy of Understanding Me
Understanding Me is available now on author Claire Plaskow’s website. You can also connect further with Claire through the site, read select poems by her, and find great reviews of the new book. She is also on Facebook.