If you feel at a crossroads in your marriage, the new book from Rebecca Jane is a must-read. The Yorkshire-based relationship therapist penned A Survival Guide for Women Who Feel Stuck in Their Marriage: Should I Stay or Leave? to help women in this situation. In our interview, the author explains what inspired her to write the useful guide, conflict-solving tips in a relationship, and how her therapy background informs the book.
Disclosure: This sponsored post features an author who aims to help women unsatisfied in their marriages through her book and therapy practice. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases through links below.
About A Survival Guide for Women Who Feel Stuck in Their Marriage
Relationships are incredibly confusing and one of the hardest things we will ever have to navigate.
Author Rebecca Jane gives us an in-depth insight into how our early environments play a huge role in the partners we choose and why they will later become a significant source of conflict. As we move through the decades, we will change as people, and what was fulfilling ten years ago may now feel stale and flat.
If you are at a crossroads in your marriage, this book will help you look at your own behaviour to change your outer reality.
It breaks down some of the biggest challenges we can all face in our marriages and how one person’s image of the ideal relationship is never someone else’s!
As an experienced relationship therapist, Rebecca finally understands what relationships need to sustain longevity, mutual love, equality, and respect.
Find A Survival Guide for Women Who Feel Stuck in Their Marriage on Amazon today.
Interview with author Rebecca Jane
I love what author Rebecca Jane says below about how she wants to empower women. To begin the interview, I asked Rebecca how her experience as a therapist.
Please share a bit about how your therapist career informs the book
As a relationship therapist, I work with women every day who feel lost or confused in their marriage/relationship. It’s my most common client in the therapy room!
Often women will come individually or drag their husbands along, wanting me to tell them how they need to change and what they need to do better in the relationship, but if he hasn’t come on his own accord (wanting to better himself and work on his behavior), then the changes will often only be temporary.
Therefore, I wrote a book to help empower women and understand what she can do to work on her own value, her own self-worth, in order to change the dynamics in the relationship.
By putting strong boundaries in place and putting her own mental health and well-being at the top of the list for a change (instead of fixing everyone else), the relationship will naturally change and evolve, and he will have no choice but to adapt, otherwise, he will fall, because she isn’t holding him up anymore.
Can you talk a bit more about the inspiration behind A Survival Guide for Women Who Feel Stuck in Their Marriage?
It’s a path I have walked myself, and as a relationship therapist, it’s a pattern I see over and over again in the therapy room.
I think to have a real passion for something, you have to understand where the reader is coming from, and I felt compelled to share my knowledge on this subject because I only wished I had someone validating my feelings when I walked this journey.
Women will go though a huge awakening period as they enter their late 30s and 40s, and they feel guilty for feeling this way. They start to value themselves more and put themselves first for a change.
Women often emotionally mature so much faster than men, and that’s why 70 percent of breakups are initiated by women.
What does being ‘stuck in a marriage’ feel like, or is it different for everyone?
It’s that feeling of being so confused and lost in your life, unable to decide what you want to do and what path to take, through fear of making the wrong decision.
The main client I see in the therapy room is a female who feels this way in her relationship and mainly because she has outgrown her husband (emotionally) but has no idea that this is what it is and keeps trying to work at it and work at it, exhausting herself in the process.
She has often been conditioned (from childhood) to feel like a bad person for feeling this way, and her need for internal growth is battling against other emotions, such as guilt and fear and this is what causes the confusion.
With that in mind, what do you hope women will get out of reading your guide?
To feel validated and heard and to understand that this is a normal process to go through in relationships.
Relationships are hard because they bring to the surface a lot of our childhood trauma, and we all have to face up to that someday otherwise, we don’t grow and evolve as we move through the decades.
You are empowering women, and that’s beautiful! Why is empowering women who feel stuck in their marriage so important?
Women have often been conditioned from birth to put other people’s needs before their own.
We feel guilty if we upset someone else and end up sacrificing our own mental health and well-being to rescue others.
However, relationships are rapidly changing now, and it’s time we change these outdated and old-fashioned beliefs from previous generations (around how relationships are supposed to be and what roles we are supposed to play).
Is divorce the only answer when a marriage is failing?
But sometimes separation or space is necessary for both partners to work on their own internal growth instead of keep going round in circles, hitting a brick wall.
What people often don’t realize is that a lot of unresolved childhood trauma will resurface in our romantic relationships, and it requires both partners to work on their wounds instead of projecting their pain onto their partners and expecting their partner to fill this void.
If you only have one partner doing the internal work (often the female) because she is more naturally in tune to her emotions, then she will eventually outgrow her partner, and the relationship isn’t often sustainable if he isn’t looking in the mirror as well.
Well said. To a couple who is finding it difficult to solve a conflict, what is one thing you would suggest?
Stop the blame game!
Take ownership for what you are doing in the relationship drama cycle.
Even if that’s just a case of you undervaluing yourself and having a lack of boundaries with your partner, you still need to take accountability for that.
No partner is free from responsibility in a relationship breakdown!
How did your work as a therapist help you during the process of writing this book?
By consistently seeing a familiar pattern in the therapy room of women needing this help and advice.
Also, by seeing my clients’ progress week after week when someone was there to validate them and help them see things from a different perspective.
Connect with Rebecca Jane online
Find out more about Rebecca Jane here at her self-titled site. Scroll down for the contact form to easily reach out to her for therapy-related inquiries or more info about the book.
Get your copy of A Survival Guide for Women Who Feel Stuck in Their Marriage
Read the new book from Rebecca Jane today! Find A Survival Guide for Women Who Feel Stuck in Their Marriage on Amazon, both in ebook and paperback.
There are several glowing reviews for the book. Here is a recent review,
“The author writes honestly and openly from her own relationship experience as well as from her experience of helping couples and individuals as a therapist. This creates a very real, down to earth, and relatable account of her views on some of the difficulties that can be encountered within a marriage nowadays amongst women aged 30+.” – KB, Amazon review