Finding happiness after divorce may seem like an elusive goal. Can the words happiness and divorce even exist in the same sentence? To help you find the goalpost and the journey to it is a new book by attorney and former certified divorce mediator Rachel S. Ruby. In Divorce To Bliss, she draws from personal experiences of divorce and working as a mediator. She joins me for an inspiring interview.
Disclosure: This sponsored post focuses on the path to self-love and happiness following a divorce. Healing is the way forward.
Interview with author Rachel S. Ruby
Rachel S. Ruby is an attorney, former certified divorce mediator, and entrepreneur. Rachel’s life was turned upside-down when she divorced in midlife after almost 30 years of marriage.
She has authored several books, and Divorce to Bliss: A Guide To Finding True Happiness After Divorce Through Body, Mind And Spirit is the latest one. It took a big journey through the dark tunnel of divorce for Ms. Ruby to find true happiness and live her best life. It is her passion and her mission to share this pathway to happiness after divorce so that others can live their truth and find ultimate bliss.
Please tell us a bit about what Divorce To Bliss is about.
The book is about personal transformation from divorce to a blissful life. It teaches steps to take to discover who you really are as an individual outside of the marriage dynamic, how to discover the true self and come to a place of complete self-love, break out of any negative mindsets associated with divorce, and move forward to create an incredible life filled with happiness.
Why did you decide to write Divorce To Bliss?
I went through a divorce after almost 30 years of marriage, and it was not only the hardest thing I ever did but something I thought I’d NEVER do. Not knowing where exactly to start, I dove deep into myself and went on an intense personal journey to heal myself.
I knew I could have an incredible “rest of my life,” and I was on a mission to figure out how to do just that…. And I did!
At some point, I realized that my experiences needed to be shared because I know so many people who went through divorce who were/are still NOT happy, so the idea for the book was born. Actually, the universe kept pushing me to do it – it started with a blog, and I knew I had the ability to help others live their best lives post-divorce. My book idea was born, and helping others has now become my purpose, for which I am both grateful and blessed.
What is the “bliss” that you refer to in the title?
I love this question! Bliss is ultimate happiness and love for oneself, others, and the world in which we live. It allows each of us to live as our best and highest self.
This is reflected in everything one does, from work to relationships with others, expressing our creativity, being of service to others and the world, to living in complete abundance and gratitude for every day. It is knowing that you are blessed to be here and possessing the ability to bask in the glory that is life, breath, and love. It all starts with love.
Beautiful! How has being a divorce mediator helped you with writing this book?
Being an attorney and divorce mediator gave me skills to negotiate terms, “things,” and settlements, but actually living through the end of a marriage was what gave me the tools I needed to help others by writing the book – Not only living it but all the work I did to heal.
Divorce is so much more than just divvying out things and assets and children – It is about going from the “we” to the “me,” which is a HUGE change, especially for those who have been married a long time. Society views divorce as negative and bad, and most of us have been programmed by society/media, culture, family, and religion to feel that we failed when a marriage ends.
These false rules lead to so much pain, and I believe that should not be the case. A divorce is always a chance for a new, beautiful beginning.
The word divorce carries feelings of shame and failure for many people. How can we begin to reframe the conversation for the better?
YES, it does! I talk about this in my book. The shame and failure mentality comes to most of us from society, religion, culture, and family values that have been drilled into our minds since we were children.
There are many breakthrough movements that are trying to change this, like Conscious Uncoupling. I teach the reader to understand that divorce is not a failure – rather it is a new phase, a new opportunity to be happy.
Whether that will occur depends on mindset, and I help people learn how to see it from a different, positive viewpoint; the more people who think this way, the more the negative stereotypes and the conversation, in general, will change.
I think people who leave unhappy marriages are brave and strong and stand in their truth – this is the way we learn to love ourselves and put our own happiness first, and is an amazing way to start the rest of your life!
Grief after divorce is a reality. How long does this last for most people, and what are some ways to get through it?
How long grief and other negative emotions will last depends on the individual, [and] how willing they are to get started loving themselves and rewiring their lives through body, mind, and spirit. It is not a quick or easy process, but I promise that if one is committed to being happy, they will get to the light at the end of the dark tunnel.
It is not until we go through the darkness that we can truly appreciate the light. The journey to self-love and happiness has many parts, including letting go of people, places, and ideas, putting the self first, being authentic and speaking one’s truth, learning to not fear being alone, getting out of the victim consciousness mentality, forgiveness, treating the body as a temple, recognizing unhealthy patterns and trusting oneself and one’s intuition.
All of these tools work together to boost self-worth and fill the heart with love and joy. The end of the relationship may trigger feelings of sadness, and this can last for a long time (even forever), but you can still learn how to see it in a positive light and create a wonderful new life.
There is so much wisdom there. Why can it be difficult to find happiness in oneself after a marriage ends?
Most people fall into victim consciousness after the end of a marriage. This is a state where people feel everything is happening TO them, and negative emotions take over.
If one does not start on the right path to wholly healing, this victim mentality can get worse. It is imperative to realize that until one gets out of victim consciousness, one cannot achieve happiness. It is only by becoming mindful of our thoughts and feelings, then setting intentions and acting on them, that we can gain insight into our hearts and see the true self.
The holidays can be a difficult time for those who are newly divorced. What do you suggest to help someone cope?
Holidays post-divorce can definitely be painful, especially the first experience. It is important to make plans with family and friends so that one does not sit around and feel sad and negative.
It can be as simple as inviting friends over to bake cookies and do a gift exchange (this is also a great idea if you have kids), have a potluck, go to the movies, to going dancing, or having friends over to dance, a night out or a beautiful day spent in nature. Laughter is the best way to escape sadness, so find ways to inspire it.
Great ideas. What do you hope readers will get out of Divorce To Bliss?
My hope is that the reader will learn that it IS possible to live a happy life after divorce, and it simply takes a commitment to do so to start the journey. There will be challenges along the way, but I KNOW it is possible because I achieved it myself.
I also hope that the more people who learn to live in bliss post-divorce, the more changes we will see in the negative stigma and false rules associated with divorce, which in time, can change the way divorce is perceived.
What else author Rachel S. Ruby wants you to know
I want people to realize that divorce is a trauma, that they CAN heal, and that they may need guidance to get started. My book is a valuable source of information on how to get there, and I love to hear healing stories! I will also be starting personalized coaching to help people through the process, so stay tuned for more on that once the program is up and running at RachelSRuby.com.
My book is intended for anyone who is going through or has gone through divorce and needs to figure out how to heal – and for anyone who wants to create the most incredible and beautiful new life after doing so.
Get your copy of Divorce To Bliss
The book is available online at https://divorcetobliss.com/book
Connect with Rachel S. Ruby online
Be sure to check out her website at DivorceToBliss.com
Find her on social media too at:
Thank you, Rachel, for helping to change the stigma surrounding divorce. You are helping people find their joy again by sharing your story and experience. Keep inspiring!
Top photo courtesy of Rachel S. Ruby