How do such people behave? And how can you recognize them easily?
What is control mania?
We don’t live in a perfect world; each one of us has fewer or more behavioral defects, and that is what makes our lives unique and colorful. The same is the case with control mania. Everyone has it in them to some extent, as part of our instincts. We need it to support us in achieving our goals, which we can only attain by being able to control some aspects.
So far so good. But just like some people have more egotistical or narcissistic traits than others, control maniac attributes can greatly vary in individuals. It serves a certain need to control a person’s circumstances and the surrounding people. By doing so, this individual wants to force their will upon others, making them follow rules to unhealthy levels. When others follow suit, think, feel and act as the control maniac unhealthily desires, they meet this person’s needs for transparency and safety.
The control maniac cannot see that by wanting to tailor people and circumstances to suit personal needs and is becoming too needy of them. It makes the person highly vulnerable. Even though they are free of the consequences of their behavior, subconsciously, the control maniac can feel its by-products: the constant fear, worry, high alert, pressure, and stiffness. Things only need to differ from his plans to make them get out of a rut, which isn’t hard, really. And they are aware of this.
How can you spot a control maniac?
You can recognize the control maniac from the overly rigid rules they want to inflict upon you. They are highly suspicious of you and others and are ready to jump for any errors occurring in their world. By strongly clinging to his rules that are led by fear, the control maniac is overstressing themselves. You can see their whole world falling apart when they suspect that things work well without them too and that they cannot always be in control. Over you, others, or a given scenario.
The more freedom people and things around that person has, the more pressure is on them. You can often feel that you or others disapprove of them, and say no to their noxious expectations, and heartless domination. You can see them throwing a temper tantrum when they feel like people around them don’t accept their behavior.
But the control maniac is the one who doesn’t give credit to the thoughts and feelings of others, belittling them and not trusting their worth. It is only a projection by this person. You can see their growing struggle of loneliness, and their friends, family members, and partners leaving them, losing their freedom next to them. The control maniac person translates this as being misunderstood or not accepted.
How they lose their cool
Since the control maniac is unable to feel much empathy, acceptance, or be flexible, living in a state of freedom is beyond their reach. Being disappointed all the time and staying inflexible makes them susceptible to disorders. In a relationship, the control maniac typically has the following expectations:
They have to do everything together with their significant other. Plan together, run errands together, do everyday things together. When their partner thinks otherwise and goes out with her friends, the control maniac feels like they are losing out because they aren’t important enough in the partner’s life anymore.
This person not only needs to be the most important person in their partner’s eyes, which is a healthy expectation but also assumes ownership of the other person. So, when the partner is enjoying themself with others, the control maniac becomes jealous and feels destroyed. The feeling of safety vanishes.
Also, the control maniac loathes secrets. Their partner cannot keep anything to themself, even if insignificant. The control maniac gets upset about this as only feels safe knowing about the last detail, what’s more, even before the actual event happens. With a very developed sense of justice, they only accept their own truth as valid, often criticizing others. Not realizing his fault of regular criticism, they imprison themself in a dark place through his downward spiral of thoughts.
How to support a control maniac
The best thing you can do is give the control maniac space to work out their problems. Lovingly support their path to fight their demons. You can discuss the length of time they need and agree to sparingly talk or meet while they are working on themself. If you live together, it is much tougher, but try working out a similar plan for the benefit of your relationship. This person has to work on seeing life through different lenses and acting from a different perspective.
If the control maniac wants to find a solution, you can support them in finding a good coach or therapist to work on their goals. The individual has to learn to relax and reprogram their mind to allow and give space to the thoughts of others. It takes time and patience on your part. If this person isn’t willing to admit the problem and work on it, their stress levels only enhance, potentially leading to mental or physical illness. Panic attacks or depression can sadly overshadow their life.