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Losing identity in motherhood: Can you be a mom and still be you?

No matter what age you are when you become a mom, your life will change. You could be barely an adult or about to enter middle age; whichever one applies, you’re still going to go through a lot of the same experiences. Regardless of your background or other personal details, you will notice that you completely change. And feelings of losing identity in motherhood can arise.

You no longer put yourself first because now you have this incredible little life (or more of them) to care for. At first, it can be overwhelming. But, before long, it just becomes natural. You’re a mom, and you’re enjoying most of the journey (everyone has their moments). But you may find that you don’t always feel like yourself anymore – and that doesn’t have to be the case.

Because YES you can be a mom and still be you. Here are some tips to help strengthen your sense of self now that you’re a mother.

Get into a rhythm

First of all, to make this happen, you really have to get yourself into a good rhythm. This is easier said than done but if you can find a schedule or routine that works for your family then you’re going to be able to nail this mom thing and have more time to feel like you again. When things start to work a little more like clockwork, you are in a better position to avoid stressful moments and feel like you’ve got this.

Have a hobby

If you manage to free up a little more time, or just make better use of the time you have, you’ll be able to indulge in a little something for you. So, find a hobby. Whether it’s something that you choose to do one evening per week or while the kids are at school – do it. You will be able to have that one hour here or there to dedicate to yourself, to then come back fully refreshed for more mom duties.

Losing identity in motherhood? Find support

You may also need to get yourself some support because being a mom is tough. Sometimes, you get stressed out, and at other times you’ll find yourself needing some advice. This is where something such as the tips from innerparents comes in, or a close circle of other moms. You need to have that support; they’re there to help you when times feel tough.

Keep working

Next, you’ll likely find that it’s worth your time to keep on working – even if it’s from home. Lots of people love the idea of being a full-time mommy but it can be exhausting, and you can lose yourself in it. But, by keeping your job or choosing to volunteer, you have something else to focus on, in addition to parenting.

Make room for ‘me time’

Finally, you’re also going to want to make room for some ‘me time’. It’s not being selfish. And it can just be a few minutes – these ideas can help. But you do need to ensure that you can recharge and regroup so that you know you’re still you!

What are some other ways to cope with losing identity in motherhood?

44 thoughts on “Losing identity in motherhood: Can you be a mom and still be you?”

  1. my son is now 9 but I always have to remember to find time for myself… yes it gets a lil easier but sometimes I feel overwhelmed… great read

  2. As a mom of 3 beautiful kids 2 daughters, and one son this article is so true. I have been through hard times starting off with getting custody of my niece who I adopted at 8 yrs old now she is 14 yrs old, and is now my daughter was a very ruff time. T

  3. Love this. I struggled with Postpartum depression and every emotion was intense. Always take time for yourself. Even if you only get an 1 hour a week or a day a month! Take that time for YOU!

  4. I am a little over 3 months post partum and this could not be more true!! I love my little girl more than life itself but trying to still be me and a mom is hard. Great post! I go back to work soon (as a critical care nurse) and I am surprisingly really looking forward to it. It is only 3 days a week so I am happy to still have plenty of time off to play with my daughter!

  5. I feel like I really needed to read this right now! I’ve only been a mom for 2.5 years but I do feel not like myself at times. Just recently decided to blog about it and already feel like using that as my “me time” has helped. Such a good article.

  6. As a mother of 3 boys (ages 13, age 10, and age 1) and I can tell you that this article is so true. I love that this article is here for new moms to read because its important for any mom really to make time for themselves because we cant care for our kids unless we care for us and that means our sanity too. I love this article.

  7. I struggle with finding “me time” and not feeling guilty about having something else to do! When I worked, I would come home and binge watch tv, but now, I feel like if I do that, I’m being a lazy stay at home mom! I always have something else I need to do or work on!

  8. blackmomchronicles

    I am 3 months post-parturm and I am the transition to motherhood hasn’t been an easy one. I am still attempting to get into a rhythm with no luck. A hobby? Blogging. Its been fun. Thank you for sharing this.

  9. I felt like this when I first had my bub, that’s probably one of the reasons why I started to blog so that I could collect my thoughts and not just be in survival mode… thanks for the tips :) taking some me time is def part of my New Years resolution for 2018

  10. Thanks for sharing! I’m expecting my first baby soon so I can definitely relate! The baby isn’t even here yet and I already feel like I’m not myself anymore! Great advice on how to still be me :)

  11. I am struggling with finding the rhythm. As you so rightly said without a rhythm its really difficult for me to find time for my family let alone me.
    Also i love that you advice to continue working…In spite of it being such a struggle to balance a busy work schedule with my family..i am just not able to quit my job….just so that i dont lose my own identity.

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