Please join me in welcoming Joan E. Wilder to the blog today! I met her earlier this year through Professionals Health Connection, where she offers realistic fitness solutions. Joan kindly accepted my offer to guest post here and ta-da this is the quality post that came from it! Take it away, Joan:
If you ever been on an airplane, you know the instruction from the flight crew to “put your oxygen mask on first”. This is advice that is of the utmost importance when you are caring for someone. And this doesn’t only pertain to oxygen. It pertains to the caregiver as a person – you must put yourself first.
Why you might ask? Well, if you stop to think about it, it makes sense. If anything happens to the caregiver (mentally or physically), think about what would happen to the child, elderly or disabled person needing the care in the first place. In most cases, it would be devastating.
Caregivers have one of the hardest jobs on the face of the earth, they need to be sure to take care of themselves first, so they can give care without sacrificing their well-being. This is critical and difficult to do. And that is a part of why caregiving is so difficult. Let’s talk about the part of caregiving that takes care of the caregiver, the part no one considers, even the caregiver themselves.
Dealing with Feelings of Frustration and Guilt
Caregiving, especially from a distance, is likely to bring out many emotions, both positive and negative. Feeling frustrated and angry with everyone, from the care recipient to the doctors, is a common experience. Anger could be a sign that you are overwhelmed or that you are trying to do too much.
If you can, give yourself a break: take a walk, talk with your friends, get some sleep – try to do something for yourself. Step away until you can breathe easily.
Although they may not feel as physically exhausted and drained as the primary, hands-on caregiver, long-distance caregivers may still be worried and anxious. Sometimes, long-distance caregivers feel guilty about not being closer, not doing enough, not having enough time with the person, and perhaps even feeling jealous of those who do.
Many long-distance caregivers also find that worrying about being able to afford to take time off from work, being away from family, or the cost of travel increases these frustrations. Remember that you are doing the best you can given the circumstances and that you can only do what you can do. It may help to know that these are feelings shared by many other long-distance caregivers – you are not alone in this. Be aware of the stress it causes and try to alleviate it whenever possible.
Taking Care of Yourself
Caregiving is not easy for anyone – not for the caregiver and not for the care recipient. There are sacrifices and adjustments for everyone. When you don’t live where the care is needed, it may be especially hard to feel that what you are doing is enough and that what you are doing is important. It often is.
Taking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can do as a caregiver.
Make sure you are making time for yourself, eating healthy foods, and being active.
Consider joining a caregiver support group, either in your own community or online. Meeting other caregivers can relieve your sense of isolation and will give you a chance to exchange stories and ideas. If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it.
We hope you found this information useful – please share with those caregivers you know. They make the world a better place.
Wishing you the best of health!
Source: NIH – National Institutes of Health
About Joan E. Wilder
A transplanted NewYawker, Joan E. Wilder lives in Texas just south of Houston. Having been sedentary herself for many years, she writes mainly to inspire sedentary people to be active and healthy. You can visit her website here, read the blog for inspiration, or simply check out some exercises. Reach out to Joan on Facebook and Twitter too.
Thank you Jonathan, I’m happy that this has helped you. And please take it to heart, your health in important for both your sakes. Wishing you the best for 2018 – and I’ll say a little prayer for you both!
Thank you. I take care of her—with some help—and I’m one of those husbands who generally put her needs ahead of mine. Got a bunch of doctors after me, so I’m trying to shape up! :) Hve a happy and blessed–you and yours! :)
Thank you again for this wonderful opportunity Christy! :) You are a great inspiration to me!
Oh wow, you made my day with your comment, Joan! :)
I don’t understand- is that German? But regardless – Thank you !!
Hello! Yes, here thats Germany nearest to the CzechRepublic. LOL ;-) Michael
Thank you for posting!
Wonderfully helpful advice from Joan. Thanks for featuring her here Christy. So often the caregiver puts themselves. last. :) x
Thank you DG – I do enjoy your site too! :)
And thank you Joan. :)
This offers such needed encouragement for care givers to recognize that self care is part of the package of helping someone else. Thanks, dear Christie.
Thank you VivaChange77!
Some excellent advice here, Christy. It made me think of my first days of Motherhood.
Hi robbieinspiration – I never thought of that, but you are so right – mom and dads are caregivers too!
Very nice✌✌
Thank you jyo!
Thanks for sharing these tips!
You are very welcome Charmed! If you are a caregiver or know of one then remember – Caregivers are Angels among us!! Thank you!
Pinned to my Mental Health & Chronic Illness Board. Excellent advice – and wonderful choice of a Guest Blogger.
xx,
mgh
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
ADD/EFD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
“It takes a village to educate a world!”
Ahh, thank you Madelyn, what a nice thing to say! xx
You are most welcome – well deserved.
xx,
mgh
Hi Christy!
I honestly don’t know what to say. You are so kind and I feel so humbled to have a post on your website. And a big thanks to your followers who are reading this – I hope you find it helpful. I know caregivers are often overlooked and feel lonely – I hope this helps people realize that those caregivers may enjoy some company and maybe to step out for a cup of coffee!
Thank you all so very much!
Great advice!
Thank you!
Spot on advice, I know first hand that taking care of myself helps me to be in the best position to take care of my parents. You can only do what you can do; sometimes you will eat junk food, you won’t get out for that walk or meet a friend for a coffee. Just do what you can when you can. Even hanging the washing on the line in the sunshine gives you a couple of minutes of fresh air and every little helps. Great post, thanks for sharing Christy xx
Hi Dawn,
I know that junk food = comfort food – that’s stress and you do need the comfort of friends. Do try to go for that walk – it’ll clear your head. You are their angel and you have a difficult job – be kind to yourself!
Hi Joan, thank you for your reply. I was finding that when I was trying to juggle the day job, caring, home, me…I was rushing through the day grabbing the most handy things I could to eat. I piled on the weight, felt sluggish and generally yuk. However, since giving up the day job I’m eating healthier, lost the excess weight, have more energy and am happier within myself. I try everyday to do something for me, some days it just isn’t possible but I go with the flow. Sleep is the main issue for me; we are entering the Autumn/Winter Sundown period and have already had four out of seven nights without going to bed. I no longer stress about this, it can’t be helped, you learn to work around it but I know how important it is to sleep. Thank you for your post, very helpful.
Thank you for sharing Joan’s beneficial advice, Christy. I’ll be sharing this with my father. xo
Wonderful! Thank you Jill!