Pursuing Happiness: Why We May Be Missing the Point

Busy Pursuing Happiness

Rushing Around Every Day. Image via Pixabay (CC0 Public Domain).

Pursuing “the happy.” Being content, emotionally satisfied, and joyful. It’s a common goal, right? “The Pursuit of Happyness” was an endearing movie starring Will Smith, “Don’t Worry Be Happy” became a runaway hit song from Bobby McFerrin, and the happy face emoji lights up the screens of our smartphones. So, why can’t any of us seem to find our happy place? Or, have we found it and just don’t realize we’re there already?

Busy, Busy Lives

At first, I just wrote the subheading as “busy lives,” but then I realized life is getting even busier for most people. Just when you think more can’t be added onto the day, there’s another task at the office or one more email to send. Oh, and did you remember to phone Jackie or fill out the form for the school trip for your child next week?

So, yes, we’re busy. And it’s come with a price.

Lack of Connection

People are looking at their smartphones more than at one another’s faces while rushing to and from appointments. There isn’t the same level of intimacy between people anymore.

True, I’m generalizing, I know it. Not everyone is this way. But the last time I was sitting at Tim Hortons, I couldn’t help but notice the large number of people eating while staring at their phones rather than talking to the person on the other side of the table.

Losing a Sense of Connection

Staring at Smartphone, Missing the Chance to Make an In-Person Connection. Image via Pixabay (CC0 Public Domain).

Where Does the Time Go?

Family demands are juggled with work and daily chores. Many people feel there is not enough time in the day for all of the tasks that need to be accomplished. I used to joke that there should be 25 hours in a day. Now I realize that the extra hour would be spent with more activities rather than being spent relaxing. More time just means filling it with more stuff from a bigger to-do list.

Oh, the to-do list! It grows regularly. Moreover, so many of the tasks are a high priority. Add in the healthcare professionals that explain regular exercise and a healthy diet will help people live longer, and the list grows even more. Now you have to remember to get to the gym and eat right too! Sleep deprivation is becoming an unhealthy trend.

Speeding Toward… Where, Exactly?

The speed race is moving toward being happier or more content, right? Or is it? The busy day ends, only to start over the next morning when you wake up. Again it’s a mix of family-related tasks, work, and household chores that you peck at with a fury, trying to get them completed in the shortest amount of time. Once those tasks are done, move to the next set of priorities. The cycle continues.

So, along with feelings of being very busy, people often feel they are peddling without getting anywhere. Picture a bicycle on the wrong speed attempting an uphill climb; the pedals move quickly while making minimal progress. Perhaps there is little advancement at least partially because of how busy everyone else is today; there are fewer people with time to help one another complete their lists.

Biking Uphill on Wrong Gear

Peddling Through Life. Busy Days Pursuing Happiness. But What if it’s the Path Rather than the Destination that Holds the Happy? Image via Pixabay (CC0 Public Domain).

Consider, for example, someone working in an office where the supervisor is too busy with his or her own schedule to notice that individual’s accomplishment on the latest marketing project. While the project is important to that person, it may have little or no impression in the speed race that peddles the supervisor’s day. The boss is caught up in the revolving door of tasks to be completed in his or her own pursuit of happiness. In the process, the boss overlooks the employee. Relationships dissolve or lose their strength.

Yet the employee continues to work at that office. Why? One reason is the money earned by working there, which translates into the ability to pay bills. The job also plays a role in larger career goals. Perhaps the employee thinks, “If I work hard now, it will pay off in the future.” The vision of the happy future. What makes the future “happy” is based on personal preferences.

Deciding on What is Happy

“Happy” often gets lost when people are caught up in their daily activities. They forget the bigger picture. Life is too short not to be happy NOW, regardless of whether the dishes are washed or all the papers on the office desk have been sorted. Rather than enjoying what people have NOW and what they have accomplished in their lives, they often focus on the future instead. They look toward what they will acquire or do in the future. They are in pursuit of happiness in a speed race going nowhere.

If they stopped peddling, I wonder if they would see that they already have many things to be happy for? Would there be a moment to breathe and re-evaluate the joyful moment of the present?

Often people look at future activities as increasing their levels of happiness, without enjoying where they are right now in life. I propose slowing down the speed on the race. And even stopping altogether sometimes to see what’s on the side of the road you’ve peddling down. Each person has that power. Realize there is happiness in the present, and watch levels of stress decline.

Put down the cell phone; it will still be there in an hour.

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97 thoughts on “Pursuing Happiness: Why We May Be Missing the Point

  1. Your analogy of pedaling through life reminded me of a trip I took with my son to Mexico. We rented bikes and rode along a service road, as there wasn’t a bike trail and the road traffic was dangerous. I was amazed at how much more we saw by slowing down our speed of absorbtion. Slowing down and savoring what we are doing in the moment and exploring what we are loving about it – there is always something even in the worst situations, if one would only look for it. Beautiful music, blue skies, a pet sleeping in the sunshine – fuel for happiness!

  2. Oh it is so pertinent you write this post just now because I have been suffering from stress overload at work and depression symptoms. It is partly due to age I think in that I am less capable of dealing wirh stress than I used to; hormones play a part too I’m sure. My boss I feel generally doesn’t recognise all the good things I do, and is bluntly negative when something doesn’t progress so smoothly, even when he will have typically prioritised a number of things above it. He observes that I have so many things on my plate and yet he gives me more.

    My work life balance on the whole is okay though… and that is because after years of my employer taking advantage, I just say no. I have recently found myself, and I want to enjoy it.

    I get so fed up with the attitude of many people and their mobile phones, every day many walk along the street not looking where they are going (and I am for sure not going to inconvenience myself by stepping out of their way), on the train I have to put up with people having loud conversation and constant message tones (and key clicks too from some…. oh why), and I have a friend with an Apple watch and every time it lights up she has to look at what it is telling her… which can get so rude.

    I must be getting old, it’s getting a mad world where people are rushing all the time and show little consideration for others. So much for progress :-/

    • Andrea, if this post has brought you comfort than that helps give this blog purpose and for that I thank you. I am glad you’ve told your boss no when you feel you are being overloaded as that simple two-letter word can be so hard to say, in my experience.. I support you as you continue to experience your days without constantly looking at a smartphone or smartwatch ~ keep living life FULLY rather than being tethered to technology 🙂

  3. So true! Here’s a Tolstoy quote on the subject that I just love: “The source of true happiness is in your heart. It would be foolish to look for it elsewhere.”
    And yes, I agree with you that we are often just too busy to stop and enjoy the little things. But we should!

    • Tolstoy’s quote is incredible! Happy and heart both start with “h” and they are forever linked.. Your enthusiasm in your comment is beautiful, Elisabeth ♥

  4. The world has become so competitive compared to when I was growing up and then raising a family. But, I am 73 and time was different then. One phone, no cells, one clock in the home and one TV which we didn’t get until I was about nine years old. The library was our hangout and we had to ask permission to watch television or make a phone call because we were told that those items belonged to our parents.
    I commend my children for the way they are raising their families.
    Television and video games are limited, the children all play outside and the boys are on baseball and basketball teams and my oldest grandson just received his limited cell phone as a reward for making the National Honor Society. I think the key word is limited.
    Limit what you do to how much you can handle. The choice is paramount here, how much do you feel comfortable with. Does it give you time to enjoy what you are doing? If not then cut down the list. Children understand more than you think. They want you to be happy too.
    Just some advice from an old experienced codger that is enjoying life. ☺

  5. Yes! It’s crazy how we torture ourselves, always trying to be happy, when all we need to do to be happy is to slow down, take a walk, enjoy nature. I’ve noticed more people on their cell phones while in restaurants too – very sad, especially if it’s supposed to be some sort of a romantic time out. I didn’t have a cell phone until just a few months ago and I’m trying to make sure to keep it off as much as possible. It’s true that real life and real happiness is easier to find away from the computer and the phone. Thank you for this reminder!

  6. Add to that the times a person sets out to intentionally destroy another…
    Yes, happiness is illusive. Hmmm… they say “what you resist persists.” I’m beginning to wonder if I should throw some reverse psychology at “Happiness.” LOL, maybe not.
    Love that song, Christy. Best ear worm ever. Happy St. Patrick’s Day :mrgreen: Mega hugs!

  7. Hi Christy… Great question and some very insightful considerations you have put together. I have been around long enough and watched society slowly evolve to what we see today. We have lost touch with each other in many ways. People automatically turn to their phones for company rather than reach out and say hello.
    That one smile at another or a word of encouragement becomes an acknowledgement of the other person and yes yourself. It can bring the joy and the peace to both of you. It takes little or nothing of your time to reach out even though you may never meet again.
    Technology if properly used can afford us more time if used properly to relax and enjoy what we have around us. We all seek that peace and quiet and I hope your words are taken to heart. Set the phone aside and simply be and peace will come and joy will follow…
    Well written Christy…

    Hugs from Alberta

    • You are helping keep the human connection alive Rolly with the suggestions you make about smiling at one another and saying hello in person rather than by phone. True that peace is what we seek, although seemingly beyond reach for some.. Ironically slowing down can speed up our way to peace. HUGS

  8. Happiness is people we love. It’s so simple. There’s a whole business telling you other things, but it really is as easy as spending time with people who make us feel good.

  9. Excellent piece, Christy. I believe you’re right — we already have happiness, here and now, but either don’t see it or don’t know how to appreciate it. I feel it’s ok to continue to pursue our ambitions, but we also need to appreciate the special moments we enjoy that are sheer happiness, like being with a loved one or watching a beautiful sunset. Thank you for this important reminder! ❤

  10. This post is so right on, Christy! You have articulated our quest for the race toward happiness perfectly. Our 21st century lives are terribly imbalanced, and I think tech makes it worse. In my university classes I actually teach this idea of happiness and how living a balanced leisure lifestyle will aid us in getting there. Try convincing 75 students every semester. I took them out to blow bubbles at the end of class (after we discussed play theories)– the looks of pure joy were on every face! Take a quick look when you have a minute! https://secondwindleisure.com/2016/02/28/leisure-is-a-state-of-mind/

  11. I always come back to that quote on life is not waiting for the storm to pass. I often think happiness is the same and sometimes we don’t know what we hold in our hands. Yep I can talk about things like phones –the wrong thing— but that can be what we let slip. Happiness can be in the moment .

  12. “Speeding towards where exactly?” We have turned into a society where we are expected to be busy growing and tackling the next challenge. We need to stop and smell the roses.

    Happiness comes from within. The more we chase it, the more out of our reach it becomes..

  13. We do need to slow down and step away from the routine at times, Christy and make the time to really enjoy this short life. Put away those to do list for a moment give ourselves a dose of happiness and joy inside. Thanks for this encouraging post!

      • You right, cannot allow ourselves to get to caught up in the busy schedules! We need to keep our “happy” high on the lust of priorities. Thank you, Christy! Wonderful to see you too!

  14. Your observations here took me all the way back to my over half a century ago school days and to a poem of William Henry Davies that was taught in the class. May I quote the same here below:
    “What is this life if, full of care,
    We have no time to stand and stare.
    No time to stand beneath the boughs
    And stare as long as sheep or cows.
    No time to see, when woods we pass,
    Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
    No time to see, in broad daylight,
    Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
    No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
    And watch her feet, how they can dance.
    No time to wait till her mouth can
    Enrich that smile her eyes began.
    A poor life this if, full of care,
    We have no time to stand and stare”. In so few words the poet appears to have foreseen, over a hundred years before, the spectre of an upended world of zombies with faces buried in smartphones. Way back then, I recall the classroom atmosphere in school where we kids used to taunt the teachers by reciting this poem whenever the teachers loaded us with too much homework..!😋

    • Oh how that poet pens such a great message and I love that you shared it here, Raj 🙂 Haha I can just see you doing that to the teacher.. and now look at you in a love affair with words! Thanks for taking time here, my friend

  15. Great reminder Christy. You know, I’ve written several articles in the past few years, including in some of my books about the loss of human interaction and people glued to their cell phones. People are missing out on humanness with all this technology and it’s a shame. Yes, we are all so busy, but we do have to come up for air once and awhile and take in the land of the living. More people have been posting about the lack of human interaction lately, I hope it will make a difference. ❤ xo

  16. Such a thought-provoking post, Christy. It is amazing how so many of us are so absorbed in our phones as you said. But also, we are constantly thinking that the next thing or the next best thing will fill us up with even more gratification. Life is unpredictable and things won’t always go our way, so all the more to enjoy the moment. “peddling without getting anywhere” – love this phrase and so apt.

    A lot of colleagues and friends my age are constantly on the lookout for new jobs, constantly. Not that we aren’t in great workplaces. One can see it as self-improvement and trying to find something they like doing, but for some of them I get the feeling they are simply chasing and chasing.

    These days I am all up for relaxing 😀 I do have lists like to-do lists that includes chores and goals for the future, but I have no expectations. I will try my hardest to get where I want to be but at the same time will be spontaneous and take things as they come too 🙂

    • Mabel, it sounds like you have a great grasp on being in the “now” and that’s wonderful to hear. I wish you many moments of relaxation rather than “peddling without getting anywhere” 🙂

  17. I’m still trying to find my happy place…i don’t look at my phone when walking around town,in the countryside,eating,well anywhere cept at my home but even then I’m not addicted to social sites…I’ll answer a txt if I’m in a conversation but I’ll check & answer it I my time….I’m sat in McDonalds using the WiFi but I ate first before I got my phone out….
    Good post Christy on true life on rushing around & not connecting to people without technology….

  18. This is such an excellent post Christy and so relevant now as lives get busier and connections to one another seem to get ever more distant..
    And yes I have even watched family text each other while in the same room.. How bad is that?

    I also walk a lot out in nature and people whom I meet walking ( if they are not the seasoned hiker ) have their heads in the phones and never look up to see what is around them. And when we say Hi.. They look at us like we have two heads.. Lol..

    Its funny isn’t it, well not so funny when you think of it. That people are busy working away like mad to buy things which pleases them which are supposed to make them happy..
    Yet the more ‘Things’ they want the more harder they work. And the less Happy they become.. Sad really…

    Happiness is NOT to be found out there.. Yet we constantly search out there for it.. Be it in relationships, material possessions or by thinking if we are wealthy we will be happy..
    Happiness is a State of Being and can not be found in these External things.. Only internally can we find our own states of Happiness..

    I have found it in a sunset, the centre of a flower or by just weeding in my garden.. I have found that inner peace and contentment which many of us seek to give a name..

    Thank you for allowing me to speak my own thoughts.. Loved reading your own Christy.. You are such a gifted writer..
    Love and Hugs my dear friend..
    Happy! Weekend to you xx x
    Sue

  19. Excellent article. Wonderfully pertinent subject. My busy stage was before smartphones and other media. We mainly had paper calendars and carpools – and I was every bit as frantic as people today. I have arrived at a lovely time of my life where I do have a smartphone for practical reasons but leave it on the table when I go out. This is a personal choice. Other people of my generation consult their tablets and cell phones regularly.

  20. That Pharrell is one happy cutie! Love the tune.
    What can I say? I am happy! I find happiness inside me. I think it’s a benefit of being creative and admiring the creativity of others.. I get to be creative at work, and at play. I have loving people in my life, and warm furry cats. As a veggie, eating well is … well, just eating. I don’t go to the gym because I spend hours & hours walking. I walk all day at work.
    I’m not working right now, but yesterday I walked for almost 3 hours looking for street art. I found the best Dragon Mural!!! As long as it is 0 or warmer, I’ve got a 3-4 hour street art adventure planned for tomorrow.
    If I’m not happy, I don’t know that, and please, no one tell me! My fool’s paradise is working out just fine. 😀 😀 😀
    Much happiness to you dear Christy! xo

  21. Great post Christy. I enjoyed the metaphor of peddling a bike. I also like your point: “More time just means filling it with more stuff from a bigger to-do list.” Peter Drucker wrote about Franklin Roosevelt’s advisor Harry Hopkins during WWII: Due to health reasons “he could only work a few hours every other day or so”. But “Churchill called him once, ‘Lord Heart of the Matter’ and [Hopkins] accomplished more than anyone else in wartime Washington.” (The Effective Executive) Interesting — Hopkins was sick and working significantly less hours than others with greater results.

  22. Oh, Christy, you are right on. People’s lives just get busier and how do we communicate with each other – cell phone by way of texting, most often. We don’t even take the time to call and say, “How are you?” because that could lead to a conversation that we simply don’t have time for, so we text instead. Email has the same outcome. Sad, sad way of life today. I applaud parents who ban phones from mealtime. It forces kids to talk, real time.
    But what about the other things that fill our lives. Does each child really need to be involved in 3 sports and 2-3 other activities? What happened to downtime? Time to read, to play a game with our family (even game playing has become a singular activity, thanks to technology), time just to ‘veg’, time to be with those who mean so much to us?
    I know of a mom who said her teens were always bickering. She unplugged everything and the kids found out they actually had something in common with one another and furthermore, they really did like each other.
    My sons are both employed in high demand professions and have to work hard to cut out time for family. What happened to the eight-hour day? Jobs aren’t the only source of happiness and even the higher ups need some time away from work.
    Now Pharrell Williams’ song does make a person feel happy. It is very uplifting and, yes, I have seen people dancing around and singing it when they hear it wherever they are. Why? Simply, it imbues a sense of well-being, of happiness and pure joy. We need to feel happy more and chase happiness less.
    Love and Hugs, my sweet friend.

    • OH M!! How much do I love you? A LOT! Your comment here aligns with so much that I feel, showing your values for family, connections, and paying attention to what truly matters in life. I commend you for being so true to yourself ♥ Let’s encourage people to put away the phones and read more books!! Oh how I love to read. Hugs, many hugs

      • Would you believe that when I was a child, my parents were always admonishing me to ‘get your nose out of that book.” LOL. I never did listen well.

  23. My grandparents were were always busy but with fewer and less complex tasks. Everything took longer. No washing machine or electric iron or cooker with a timer or fast food or packaged food or any of the many modern conveniences..

    They didn’t have time to aspire and so were more content with their lot. Survival was something to be happy about. Friends and family were something to be happy about. Although they did make time to stop and smell the roses.

    What’s changed ? We’ve all become work slaves so that we can acquire the best new gadget or car or house. We must have it because TV tells us so and then our gadgets tell us again and we must do the best for our children too.

    Gadgets make us feel we are in the loop and don’t want to be left out. But, people are something to avoid in person because they have been made so obsessive/anxious/neurotic by their gadgets, bosses, doctors, financial advisors, local government and many more.

    The villains are the employers, marketing guru’s and governments who benefit from our blithe submission. Answer; un-indoctrinate ourselves, very little is really that urgent, stop and see and hear and feel and taste and smell the world. Make work feed our lives not our lives feed our work. 🙂 or as Bowie said:-

    “But her friend is nowhere to be seen
    Now she walks through her sunken dream
    To the seat with the clearest view
    And she’s hooked to the silver screen”

    🙂

    P.S. An occasional rant on somebodies blog is quite therapeutic. Thank you for the topic that gave the opportunity. 😀 😀 😀

    • Graham, you’re not “ranting” but rather sharing your views on such a timely topic. I appreciate what you say about how being busy is not something new but instead has undergone a change in exactly what makes us so busy.. It reminds me that priorities can be out of whack and the importance of making time for family and friends. Awesome to learn your view on the topic and you’re always welcome 🙂 Now to savor the cup of coffee here (busy can wait!)

  24. Thank you, Christy, for sharing your thoughts. I agree with you that we need to sometimes stop in our busy life and everyday capture a moment of laughter and happiness with friends and loved ones. You may not get another opportunity tomorrow.

    • A moment of laughter sounds wonderful, as you explain, Linnea 🙂 Seize the day, as the saying goes! Thanks for making time in your busy writing schedule. I’m excited for your upcoming book xx

  25. I am a Luddite and don’t own a cellular phone, however I spend as much time on my PC, that I have to discipline myself, otherwise i would not sleep, or read my books! 😦

  26. Life is made of paradoxes, isn’t?
    I could quote a line you wrote, Christy, to resume my entire life, an almost four decades of many failed attempts at happiness, a few small victories and a lot of time lost: “If I work hard today, it will pay in the future.”
    I thought about this many times and applied to it sometimes. My problem is that I could never build a strong basis for my life, so I kept searching a way out of everything, striving to find my place in the world. I’m still doing this today and maybe that’s why I keep telling myself that it will pay off. Maybe it is a way for me to keep my hope alive. But you are right about the peddling; maybe I am like this because I never really stopped to look around.
    Some days ago, I did a thing I postponed many times in the last year and hadn’t done in a long time; I had a walk on my own. There is a little hill near where I live and I got out and headed for the top. At the roadside, houses and buildings slowly began to disappear, leaving place to high trees, bushes and wide fields. Soon the birds where my only companions and when the path grew uphill, I passed the last bunch of villas and entered the woods, just to find myself in a large clearing, at the end of which there was a tiny opening the branches and leaves had created. I got in and stopped dead. At a few inches from my feet, the hill ended on a cliff. The fall would have been deep. But the view I had from there paid for the walk. Because down below and all in front of me, the breath and magnitude of the sea was greeting me. A wide, blue and silent guardian.
    I am here.
    That’s what it seemed to say.
    So I guess this is what we’re losing every day; the chance to wonder at the world we live in.
    Thank you for pointing this out.

    • Keep hope alive, never lose hope, Alessandro! I think it’s maybe more of working smarter than harder.. but with hope on our side we really can get to a goal with our peddling ~ That I believe xx Thank you for sharing your thoughts and striving to make this world a better place

      • It is my great pleasure, Christy. It’s about finding the healthy way to live. Thanks again and God bless you.

  27. This article really hits home. As a society, we always seem to be pursuing something that is unobtainable, intangible. We search for fulfillment and gratification, that is temporary and fleeting. Happiness is illusive. Most of us work at jobs we hate, and get little appreciation and not enough pay. We are burdened by money issues and feel uncertain and insecure. It has become complicated and we lose ourselves so easily. We have forgotten how to be happy, when it is really within us and all around.

  28. Nice choice of videos. As for people being so busy, the 80 / 20 rule tells us that 80% of our results come from a mere 20% of our actions. If one looks at their busy day, they will see all kinds of low productive things to eliminate. So will reply, no so. Everything is important that they do. Well, when everything is important, than nothing is really important, is it?

    • Your comment reminds me of the importance of prioritizing, Wm. I recently read an article about goal setting and amongst the first the things to do, at least if you want to be successful at it, is to prioritize those goals. Thanks for the thoughtful comment!

  29. Ah the cult of busy… I try to opt out as much as possible. Yes I am busy – but not simply for the sake of doing something. I try to make most things I do be in the aim of getting where I want to go (that can’t hold for everything obviously – but most). As for the quest for happy – I think the best piece of writing I read on it was someone who pointed out that happy shouldn’t be the goal. Happy should be the result of reaching your goal. “Happy” if it isn’t because of something you did/received/achieved etc.. is just this nebulous state of being to strive for – which I think, in part, is what makes it so hard to “get there” for many of us.

    And there ends my deep thought for the morning.

    I’m off to the gym. Because exercising makes me happy!

    • Wonderful to read here that you are taking care to find the happy in today, Louise. Like you, exercising elevates my mood – we have that in common! Thanks for the comments and may your time be happily spent this weekend 😉

  30. Excellent advice and well geared toward your audience. But you overlook, I think, one thing. The pace of the modern world (and many of its other ills) arise from an assumption that material things will guarantee happiness. That is a mistaken assumption.

    Philosophers have pondered the question of happiness since men and women could first think. Our own society — w/ its emphasis on self-actualization — has settled for satisfying the physical needs. We purchase multiple homes, rarely go a moment without electronic entertainment, and are so well satiated we have to frequent gyms.

    True, we all require basic necessities. Most of those in need of food and shelter are, however, living “off the grid”. Far off. Defining happiness as we have, we exclude them even from our consideration.

  31. So many points I agree with here, though it’s difficult to appreciate these things, to remember and realise what’s important, in the rush of life. It’s about standing back and getting some perspective, which is hard and yet so important to try to do each day. Thank you for this, brilliant post! x

    • Thank YOU for making time here as it really IS a busy life.. Taking the moment to step back may get forgotten so it’s good when I hear that this post helped just a bit with doing exactly that xx

  32. It’s hard to find a good balance and keep it. Raising kids in today’s disconnected world is a challenge. My son told me that 9th graders are getting drunk every saturday night! 15 year olds!! I feel sad that their parents don’t know this. Or accept this as normal. We have to connect, spend time with, really see each other. Or we will be lost. It’s hard, but it’s worth doing.

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