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Why Being a Strong Independent Woman is Great for Your Relationship

A strong women

The term “independent woman” need not only apply to a single woman. Instead, let’s talk about how a woman can hold onto her independence and strength while still being in a romantic relationship. Firstly, what exactly is an independent woman?

Defining an Independent Woman

To be independent, regardless of one’s gender, is to refuse to be under another person’s control, whether this control is in thought or action. I think a lot of folks respect this way of being as it is strong-willed and genuine.

In fact, I would argue that independence in a woman is a very attractive feature for many people. I won’t say all people because not everyone likes the same things, as with any other aspect of life.

Regarding the “strong” aspect of a woman, this article refers to emotional strength, rather than the physical variety. Strong women are not trying to emulate men but instead embrace their femininity and know their own worth.

Issues with Female Independence in a Relationship

Unfortunately, that very likeable quality of independence in a woman may later become the very same thing that later hinders a relationship. For example, she may refuse to let her partner help her, not wanting to be a burden to someone else.

This woman must then deal with the full emotional burden and stress that comes with this particular project, all on her own. As for the other person in the relationship, this individual may feel unwanted. Ultimately, the relationship suffers, from both sides, whether it is in the dating phase or marriage.

Staying A Strong Independent Woman AND Helping the Relationship

But, what if I said there was a way to be a strong independent woman and have a healthy relationship, all at the same time? I would even go so far as to argue that her independence can IMPROVE a relationship.

Separate Hobbies

For example, consider the area of hobbies. They are great ways to explore the world, have fun, and escape everyday stresses. When two people in a relationship have separate hobbies, there is time spent apart from one another.

Each person has their own time to be uniquely themselves. The woman can affirm her independence and what she loves to do, which may not be the same thing as her partner. Unique expression is beautiful and breeds self-confidence. She likely feels strong.

Some Activities Apart & Having Her Own Friends

Also, consider a relationship in which the two people in it are always doing things together and have all mutual friends. This description is one of an unbalanced relationship. While depending on one another is good, over-dependency is not healthy.

Opt for some separate time during the week; she can have her own friends, and her partner has a unique group apart from that. This method, which centres around an independent woman and her mate, can better a relationship because it builds trust between them and enables them both to be apart but also together in the long run.

Be Herself

Lastly, when a woman stays strong and independent, then she is more likely to be herself, rather than a cardboard version of what her mate wants her to be. She can choose her aspiration, friends, hobbies, job, hairstyle, and anything else she likes. And, here is what is perhaps the best part: In a healthy relationship, the partner loves her for being her unique self! Will she also love her partner for this very same reason? In a balanced union, the answer is a resounding yes.

What are your thoughts on how being a strong independent woman can better a relationship?

42 thoughts on “Why Being a Strong Independent Woman is Great for Your Relationship”

  1. Great post! We (Settle in El Paso team) believe that independence in both sides results in a stronger relationship just like you mentioned her independence can IMPROVE a relationship. This is something like X is with Y not because X is dependent on Y, rather because X loves Y (and in a strong relationship with Y).

    Shared this post on StumbleUpon and re-twitted. Have a wonderful week ahead.

  2. Thank you for that insightful post. As a married woman and professional with kids, I have experienced the highs and lows of keeping the romance alive and I believe that having your own profession or interests is a catalyst in moving the romance to a healthy place. There is something about a woman who is focused on her own interests that shouts ‘I am confident and secure in myself’ and that is always attractive. -B.O.S.I

  3. The Very Truth Of All

    Strong independent women are the major cause of divorce these days since most of these women unfortunately are very greedy and selfish since they will only want the best of all and will never settle for less.

  4. Actually, having both partners be genuine makes for a very strong and happy relationship. No one wants to be controlled, as you have said in the beginning of this blog entry. When BOTH partners are happy, that is when the relationship is the best. I personally am happiest when I am being strong and independent. I naturally hate having to be dependent on others.

  5. Women are no longer dependent on men financially and haven’t been for some time, they days of the strong man and little woman are over.

  6. Christy,
    I’m having some eye issues, which are getting corrected. Meantime, I’m wearing glasses from about 8 years ago. I was sure Separate Hobbies was Separate Hobbles. Of course once I started reading the passage, I got it, and I agree!
    My partner and I have our together time, & our apart time. It’s been working beautifully for years.
    It also seemed to flow better if we didn’t work together, although we have helped each other out from time to time.
    I love Rebecca’s quote! Take Care, hugs & love!

    1. Christy Birmingham

      Hi Resa! Oh my dear friend, sorry to hear about your eyes… I do hope you get help with the issue soon… I always value your comments here and today as I’m reading your words it is no exception. I think your relationship with your husband sounds happy and healthy – wonderful! Thanks for sharing your personal story xx

    1. Christy Birmingham

      Here, here! I knew you’d support the thoughts here and, lo and behold, I was right ♥

  7. Hi Christy,

    Relationship is such a complex dynamic and the idea of change in the spectrum of inter-dependency is in constant fluctuation. Life brings different challenges and therefore different strengths arise in the individuals in relationship throughout time. Being a strong, independent woman sometimes may not “look” or “appear” strong to others in the sense that sometimes admitting vulnerability is part of intimacy at times. I believe that we can experience success in our relationships when there is a strong respect for personal space and independence as its own thing. There’s something about Maslow’s Self-actualization model needing inclusion, and for some this is an individual-collective spiritual relationship. That a relationship supports a goal outside of each individuals is also helpful and brings a sense of teamwork and togetherness. That said, I agree very much on how beneficial outside hobbies and interest groups are to significant relationships. As I was reading, I saw many had touched upon this theme. When each relationship participant has an independent support network as well as some shared friends, there seems to be greater individual stability. Even if there are similar fields of interest, one may be able to meet with different groups and share in separate practices as times. If there was one answer to success, it wouldn’t be relationship. :) What a lovely morning reflection, Christy. Thanks for setting the space.

    Warm regards, Ka

    1. Christy Birmingham

      Hi Ka, thank you for taking time here. I appreciate in particular your remark about the vulnerability that comes with intimacy… Indeed, it is a unique space we enter and our hearts are exposed in a way… We do not want our independence to force away our partner but also want to exercise who we “are” at our core… I am so pleased you came to visit and that you enjoyed the post :)

  8. I think it requires both partners to be supportive of each other, of both their dependence and their independence. Being a baby boomer, I see both sides of the coin and have watched my parents and my own marriages closely for what worked and what didn’t. Men of my generation often had difficulty letting their partners venture out beyond the relationship, even while they themselves sought outside the marriage for their own interests, hobbies and of course their focus on career. Women were still struggling to find their footing, to spread their wings and relationships suffered.

    You are not wrong though. We need both. Men who are confident will celebrate the strength and independence of their partner. Women, likewise will celebrate their partner in his pursuit of interests outside of their relationship, knowing it does not weaken their connection. I watch my sons seamlessly marry their wives, both of whom are strong, independent women with entire lives outside of their marriage and I sigh with relief.

    1. Christy Birmingham

      I got chills (with happiness) at the end of your comment, Val. I think it is wonderful you raised independent men who see women with that same characteristic as being assets to their lives. Your comment here shows both sides of the argument and yet I come back again to the end lines you wrote… xx

  9. Hi Christy,

    Thank you for sharing your post. I’ve been married for 46 years and your suggestions hit right on the mark. My husband and I are both strong-minded, independent persons who have a strong connection to each other. Yet we also have our own interests, career paths, and friends. I’m very fortunate to have a husband who has supported me in all my endeavors and does not feel threaten by this.

    As always, I enjoy reading your thought-provoking post.


    1. Christy Birmingham

      Linnea, How lovely to read your sentiment here. I am proud of you for keeping your independent spirit and to your husband I say “wonderful!” I wish you both a continued lifetime of love ♥

  10. Very good post! You are right, of course. I also think that the objective of a woman is to be independent woman. But, sometimes the relationships become very difficult when the woman is independent and the man do not like this. I think (may be I am wrong, with small quantity of information) that the usual in relationships is: the man does not like independent woman. I find surprising and sad that to happen in the century we live in. But I think this often takes place. Am I right? Best, Tânia.

    1. Christy Birmingham

      Hi Tania, I have personally come across some men who are scared by my independence.. but others are not.. I go by the principle that not everyone likes the same things… Thank you for sharing your thoughts here!

  11. I absolutely love this post, Christy. I pride myself on being a strong, independent woman, a woman who knows what she wants, sticks by her values and doesn’t feel like she needs to depend on somebody. Totally agree with your point about having time apart in a relationship. Not everyone will share the same interests, and if we can let each other be, then we give each other space to be ourselves – that is a good way to deal with differences.

    1. Hi Mabel, since I have known you, from the very first comment you made at my blog and the very first time I read your blog posts, I knew you were a strong independent woman – you are awesome! :)

  12. Relationships are very different nowadays, compared to how they were 15 or 20 years ago.
    A relationship which is not based on over-dependency is surely healthy and good for the members involved, whether if it is a partner or a friend… Balance is always the key as you stated above.
    And yet, it is a complex issue, because if the relationship is a mere “laissez faire, laissez passer” one would wonder which is its purpose. Care and attachment are needed…
    I think that having things in common is very important to keep the flame alive if the bond aims to a serious one.
    Very nice, Christybis. Love and best wishes. Aquileana 😘

    1. I agree, Aquileana – this is a complex topic which goes to the heart of how our society is changing with regard to relationships. I am a baby boomer that lived through the 60’s and 70’s, a time of radical change. Even so, I have been married for almost 40 years. There is a spectrum between dependency and in-dependency that comes through in every friendship. What is most important is to embrace the joy of being alive, of sharing a journey, of wanting the best for another person. I always think of the quote by Lao Tzu “Being deeply loved by someone gives your strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” This is a great dialogue. Christy, another wonderful post.

    2. Beautiful quote and very accurate thoughts, dear Rebecca….Oh, and CB… Sorry for the typos. I wrote once instead of one… The IPad is tricky, you know… Sending love, Aquileana ;)

    3. Christy Birmingham

      Oh that quote from Lao Tzu is amazing, R. Your words about joy are empowering too! Thanks to you and Aquileana for providing such wonderful comments here as part of the conversation!

    4. Christy Birmingham

      Thank you Aquileana for such a thoughtful note here, and so glad you and Clanmother were able to share your opinions with one another too! Yes, relationships do change over time… perhaps that is why I did not define the word “relationship” even though I defined “strong” and “independent” ;) Having things in common is important, yes, whether it be material things or unseen characteristics, such as values.

  13. Well said, Christy. I agree a strong woman is more attractive to a healthy man. And it’s certainly better for her too. While I don’t consider myself a feminist, I’m an equal rights believer for all people. I respect both men and women.
    Blessings ~ Wendy

    1. Christy Birmingham

      Wonderful to read your words here, Wendy. Thank you for advocating equal rights for all :)

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