Ah yes, mom! Please welcome author, speaker, and certified dementia practitioner Elaine Pereira here today for a guest post. What follows are her reflections on how her mother, diagnosed with dementia, inspires her. It is what prompted Elaine to write the book I Will Never Forget, as she explains below.
A lengthy and impressive list of remarkable women have achieved medical miracles, championed causes, and modeled extraordinary grace collectively “making a real difference.” The female role models of the world are amazing!
But, there are literally millions of women, mostly invisible to the world, who selflessly execute the most difficult job there is: Being a Mom! Mothers are the first women to inspire us.
Raising children from infancy, through teenager abyss, and into adulthood without abandoning ship is only part of their accomplishment. The other side of life’s motherhood coin is the daunting responsibility of being a parent to your parent!
I know! I’ve been there. Just like many of you who have, are, or will be! Honestly parenting my twin daughters was easier than parenting my mom.
Setting The Bar High
My mother’s incredible life traversed almost nine decades. Born in 1924, Elizabeth (Betty) was five when the Great Depression hit causing severe financial havoc. Later, in the shadows of World War II, Betty earned her BS in chemistry. Relocating as a young woman from Indiana for a job in Michigan, she was a trailblazing role model for others.
My parents married in 1946. Gerald was born in 1947 and David in 1949. Four months pregnant with her third child in 1951, an unspeakable tragedy struck. Their car was T-boned by a young driver who plowed into the front passenger side where my mom was cradling 20-month-old David. Hurled into the dashboard, little David lived only a few days.
Before car seats, seat belts, and car insurance they endured emotional devastation and faced financial ruin. But despite mom’s numerous injuries, she remained resolutely strong for her unborn baby, me!
A Great Mom
Over time their physical wounds healed. Dad was a great provider but Mom was our “everything”! She made Halloween costumes; baked endless batches of cookies; made Christmas magical; helped with homework and more.
When I was twelve, mom finished her Master’s in Education and taught high school math. I grew up with a working-outside-the-home mom! And inside too: She trimmed shrubs and braided my hair; handled the snowblower and crafted exquisite ornaments. Her accomplishments, talents, and inspiration were endless!
My Turn as a Mother
I was not the easy kid to raise! In fact, when my twin daughters turned thirteen, launching me into the unpredictable role of being a mother of teenagers, Mom sent me a condolence card! Oh, did I get it. What I put my parents through was ridiculous. But later, when I needed to lobby powerfully on her behalf, I was a piranha.
My mother’s world started to unravel in April 2004. After nine years of selfless caregiving to my dad post-stroke, he passed away and Mom collapsed. I had never seen her so completely exhausted! Mom rebounded briefly until my brother Jerry died in December. No parent should ever outlive their children, but Mom had buried two!
Now I was Mom’s “everything”. After years of smart remarks, Mom would finally benefit from the strength of character she had modeled for me. I was genuinely grateful to give back to the woman who gave so much.
Dementia’s Demons
Mother’s first witnessed episode of dementia was when she flew from Michigan to Sedona AZ to visit her nephew. My cousin Mike alerted me, “Aunt Betty thinks she’s still at home and she’s looking for her apartment.” I discounted Mike’s concerns and attributed her remarks to the fog of grief that enveloped her.
I was wrong. Regardless of one’s depth of sorrow, you don’t forget flying three hours or that the surroundings look nothing like your home. But she did due to the invading brain marauder, Alzheimer’s disease.
When Mom accused the overweight cleaning ladies of stealing her petite pants, I cautiously suggested she had donated them. When she wrote nine checks to her insurance company because she couldn’t remember writing one, I sorted out the financial mess.
She got lost driving, meandering 20 miles into a different county, and I convinced her to stop driving. Her meticulous personal grooming dissolved as her ability to handle the laundry escaped her, and I took that over too. When mom’s once kind demeanor eroded into hostile and uncharacteristic verbal assaults, I was sensitive.
My mother’s decline from Alzheimer’s was so rapid she had to be relocated three times within a year into increasingly more secure settings. In a classic, Mom-like example of her fiercely independent spirit and tenderness, she executed a stunning Houdini-esque escape to find her “mom and take care of her.”
Final Words on Motherhood
My mother was a great mom, not unlike all great moms except that she was mine! I did not inherit her boundless patience, piercing blue eyes, or pie baking talents. But, I did acquire her inspiring commitment to motherhood and raised my daughters as I had been raised. Thanks, Mom!
Connect with Elaine Pereira
And thank YOU Elaine for such a heartfelt post.
Read more about Elaine Pereira’s amazing story in her book I Will Never Forget, available at Amazon.
In addition, her website I Will Never Forget highlights more about Elaine, her book, upcoming events, and more!
Thank you for this post, Christy! I have the same story as Elaine’s.
There is also some business I want to talk about :) I invite you to participate in a Workspace blog hop. You can read my post, it is all about revealing your working space. Not compulsory, of course:)
Have a great Sunday! :)
Hi Ines, I was also invited by Aquileana to that particular blog hop but had to decline for several reasons. I appreciate the invitation though! I also appreciate your comment on the post and send a hug to you and family xx Happy Monday :)
Oh that’s all right! Not compulsory! :)
Have a wonderful week you too!
Awe, Ines! You are so sweet :) Have a great rest of your week too!
A loving and lovely tribute. My mom had dementia from brain cancer. I commiserate.
Elaine, thank you for writing your book, and this guest post on “When Women Inspire”!
Christy, thank you for having Elaine as a guest!
Oh Resa, my dear Resa! I did not know that about your mom, and I send you a big hug xo I am now more glad than ever that Elaine came here with the post, to help share her special message.
<3 <3
Love to you too, dear Resa!
Beautiful post. My grandmother had dementia. Such a cruel disease. Stories like this remind us love is stronger than anything.
Yes, let’s cherish love and our minds too…
So inspiring to read stories like this. What a blessing to have such a wonderful mother and daughter relationship. I wasn’t so lucky in that department so it’s always uplifting to read about strong bonds. I’m sorry for the disease, certainly a most frightening disease for a mind to be lost inside the body.
Indeed, the mind is something to cherish while we have it… So glad the post was one you appreciated! I found it to be so well written.
Thank you both for a wonderful and heart wrenching look inside.
And thank YOU Val for taking time to truly read this post. Hugs.
Elaine so great to see you hear on Christy’s blog and to see you continuing to share your mother’s story with as many people as possible.
Thanks Jeri, on behalf of Elaine and I. Reaching out and educating people is so important, and I’m thankful Elaine agreed to be here.
touching and inspiring – great example to learn!
Thank you! I was genuinely grateful to give back.
Beautiful thoughts about mothers.
Thanks for this story.
Hugs. Crysty
Thanks for the post and I also hug Christy for the opportunity.
Hugs!! Thanks, Dany. I know Elaine appreciates your words too.
Beautiful weekend!Hugs
And wishing you a wonderful new week too! HUGS
Touching and inspiring…in the same league as some of the great stories of dedicated mothers around the world . thanks and a big hug to you christy for bringing this wonderful story…raj
I agree Rajagopal; a big hug to Chrsity for the opportunity.
Oh! Raj, it was my pleasure to host Elaine’s story here. I am thankful to her for wanting to be here. I hope you are having a good day, Raj!
A beautiful tribute to mothers.
Thank you so much for posting.
Agree! I was taken with Elaine’s words too.
lovely words …. <3
Thank you Leyla!
Leyla, how nice to see you and thanks for supporting Elaine!
A profound tribute to mothers. I am thankful for the privilege of being a daughter.
Me too! I’m thankful for being a daughter. Mothers of only sons may have a different old age scenario. My brother could have handled the finances but not the emotional piece.
Excellent words, Rebecca. Being a daughter is so special xo
This is beautiful. It’s so inspiring and I’m glad I’m here with my mom for her, as I’m also experiencing this “role reversal” with her. In many ways, I’ve become her mom now, as she truly deserves.
Maria, what sweet remarks. It’s how I felt too. Thank you for posting. Elaine
How wonderful that you say this post inspired you, Maria! THAT is what this blog intends to do, so it warms my heart to read those words from you. I am so glad to be able to feature Elaine’s story here.
I love the story and I agree with the author when she states that the other side of life’s motherhood coin is the daunting responsibility of being a parent to your parent.
A very inspiring post. Truly touching.
Best wishes!, Aquileana :P
Thank you so much Aquileana! I especially appreciate the acknowledgement of parenting a parent! Elaine
Indeed, Aqui! It is interesting how the roles reverse like this quite often… Thank you for your comment and for the support here! I appreciate YOU :)
I remember we once talked about being parents of our parents and what a reciprocal act of love, Parenthood is!!!…I appreciate you very much… :star:
Thanks for everything, Chris. Love, Aquileana :D
Thanks, Aqui! What a beautiful comment to read this morning. :)
“Memories light the corners of my mind / Misty water-colored memories of the way we were”…
Much love and happy week ahead, Christy :star:
Aquileana :P
Awww, Streisand-lined memories :) Now I am singing too!! MUAH! Much love to you too, Aqui! You are beautiful :) Happy week to you too!
I knew you would like those lines… And… You are beautiful too, Chris :star: Aquileana :D
Sending love! Bday-filled smiles :)